STRINGENCIES AND HOW TO STRINGE
Stringencies and How to Stringe in Them
It is extraordinary and also somewhat disconcerting how prayers are sometimes answered. When we were a little boy we were often warned by pious relatives of the perils of too much wealth—usually when we displayed a pagan desire for pocket money. Local pulpiteers also added their authority to this doctrine, reinforcing it with excerpts from Holy Writ. As a result our young soul was filled with horror at the thought of millionaires and camels trying to crawl through the eyes of needles. And, being a very earnest-minded little boy, we prayed that we might never be rich.
This prayer has been answered. We are not rich. Moreover, present indications are that we will never be rich. Whether or not our character has been benefited by the chronic depression which has been the outstanding feature of our financial career, we are in no position, and are far too modest, anyway, to state. There are times, however, when we would like to test our moral fibre by exposing it to the seductions of wealth. We might even like to succumb once or twice, or three or four times or oftener, just to show that we are one of those supermen who can "take it or leave it alone." But these opportunities for moral "swank" have been denied us.
We prayed for poverty and we got it. We have prayed for a lot of other things in our time, which we haven't got. But the celestial Committee on Prayers certainly O.K'd that poverty-petition of ours. They gave it to us "good and plenty," in the vulgar idiom. Of course, there is no use at this late date in explaining to the Powers that we were only praying against becoming a millionaire—half a million would more than satisfy our modest requirements. The thing is settled. As a result we have become mighty careful what we pray for. There is always a chance that we might get it.
This introduction is by way of letting the reader know that stringencies, such as the one through which we have all been passing ever since peace started, are no new thing with us. We are quite undismayed by the present state of the markets of the world. We are facing the situation with unruffled brow and the assured air which bespeaks long experience. We know how to deal with stringencies. We have tackled many of them. In fact, we have reason to regard ourself as one of the best little stringe-ists in this part of the country; and we are prepared to stringe with anyone of our financial weight for a reasonable purse and a modest side-bet.
There was that time, for instance, Friend Reader, that we went broke in 'Frisco, many, many miles from home and mother and the bed in the spare room. In a week we were acquainted with every free-lunch counter and ten-cent restaurant in the City of the Golden Gate. As a result of the acquaintance we developed a horror of "boiled beef Spanish," which has remained with us to the present day. And we ended up on a dairy ranch—thirty per and our keep! But let us draw the veil—we hate to think of the way we used to talk to those cows.
Stringent experience such as ours is a very valuable thing at a time like this, and we feel that it is in the nature of a public duty for us to lay before our readers—the whole five of them—the ripe results of our painfully acquired wisdom. Of course, we may be compelled to make revelations of a personal nature; but we don't mind. We can stand it. We have no social position that we need be worried to lose.
The trouble with the general public is that so few people know how to tackle a stringency. They are impulsive and unscientific. They go at it in a precipitate, not to say temerarious, manner.