Matrona inter primas honesta, Philomela nomine quae multas saepe hereditates officio aetati extorserat, tum anus et floris extincti, filium filiamque ingerebat orbis senibus, et per hanc successionem artem suam perseverabat extendere. Ea ergo ad Eumolpum venit et commendare liberos suos eius prudentiae bonitatique . . . credere se et vota sua. Illum esse solum in toto orbe terrarum, qui praeceptis etiam salubribus instruere iuvenes quotidie posset. Ad summam, relinquere se pueros in domo Eumolpi, ut illum loquentem audirent: quae sola posset hereditas iuvenibus dari. Nec aliter fecit ac dixerat, filiamque speciosissimam cum fratre ephebo in cubiculo reliquit simulavitque se in templum ire ad vota nuncupanda. Eumolpus, qui tam frugi erat ut illi etiam ego puer viderer, non distulit puellam invitare ad pigiciaca sacra. Sed et podagricum se esse lumborumque solutorum omnibus dixerat, et si non servasset integram simulationem, periclitabatur totam paene tragoediam evertere. Itaque ut constaret mendacio fides, puellam quidem exoravit, ut sederet super commendatam bonitatem, Coraci autem imperavit ut lectum, in quo ipse iacebat, subiret positisque in pavimento manibus dominum lumbis suis commoveret. Ille lente parebat imperio puellaque artificium pari motu remunerabat. Cum ergo res ad affectum spectaret, clara Eumolpus voce exhortabatur Coraca, ut spissaret officium. Sic inter mercennarium amicamque positus senex veluti oscillatione ludebat. Hoc semel iterumque ingenti risu, etiam suo, Eumolpus fecerat. Itaque ego quoque, ne desidia consuetudinem perderem, dum frater sororis suae automata per clostellum miratur, accessi temptaturus, an pateretur iniuriam. Nec se reiciebat a blanditiis doctissimus puer, sed me numen inimicum ibi quoque invenit.
I was not so concern'd at this as the former; for a little after my strength return'd, and finding my self more vigorous, I cry'd out, the courteous gods are greater that have made me whole again. For Mercury, that conveys and reconveys our souls, by his favours has restor'd what his anger had seiz'd: Now I shall be in as great esteem as Protesilaus or any of the antients. Upon which taking up my cloaths, I shew'd my whole self to Eumolpus, he startl'd at first, but soon, to confirm his belief, with both hands chaf'd the mighty favour of the gods.
This great blessing makes us merry, we laughed at Philumene's cunning, and her childrens experience in the art, which wou'd profit 'em little with us; for to no other end were they left, but to be heirs to what we had. When reflecting on this sordid manner of deceiving childless age, I took occasion to consider the condition of our present fortune, and told Eumolpus that the deceivers might be deceiv'd, that therefore all our actions shou'd be of a piece with the character we bore. "That Socrates, the wisest of men, us'd to boast he never saw a tavern, nor ever had been in the common company that frequents such places. That nothing was more convenient than a discreet behaviour. All these are truths, nor shou'd any sort of men," added I, "more expect the sudden assaults of ill fortune, than those that covet what's other men's. But how should pick-pockets live, unless, by some well order'd trick, to draw fools together, they get imployment? As fish are taken with what they really eat, so men are to be cheated with something that's solid, not empty hope; thus the people of this country have hitherto receiv'd us very nobly: but when they find the arrival of no ship from Africk, laden, as you told 'em, with riches, and your retinue, the impatient deceivers, will lessen their bounty; therefore, or I'm mistaken, our fortune begins to repent her favours."
"I have thought of a means," said Eumolpus, "to make our deceivers continue their care of us." And drawing his will out of his purse, thus read the last lines of it.
"All that have legacies in this my last will and testament, my freed men excepted, receives 'em on these conditions, that they divide my body, and eat it before the people. And that they may not think it an unjust demand, let them know, that to this day 'tis the custom of many countries, that the relations of the dead devour the carcase; and for that reason they often quarrel with their sick kindred, because they spoil their flesh by lingering in a disease. I only instance this to my friends, that they may not refuse to perform my will; but with the same sincerity they wisht well to my soul, they might devour my body."
When he had read the chief articles, some that were more intimately acquainted with him, enter'd the chamber, and viewing the will, earnestly intreated him to impart the contents of it; he readily consented and read the whole. But when they heard the necessity of eating the carcass, they seem'd much concern'd at the strange proposal; but their insatiate love of the money made 'em stifle their passion, and his person was so awful to 'em, they durst not complain. But one of 'em, Gorgias by name, briskly told him he was willing to accept the conditions, so he might not wait for the body.
To this Eumolpus, "I'm not in the least apprehensive of your performance, nor that your stomach wou'd refuse the task, when to recompense one distasteful minute you promise ages of luxury. 'Tis but shutting your eyes, and supposing instead of man's flesh you were eating an hundred sesterces. Some sauce may be added to vary the tast; for no flesh pleases alone, but is prepar'd by art to commend it to the stomach. If you desire instances of this kind, to make ye approve my advice; the Saguntines when they were besieg'd by Hannibal eat humane bodies, without the hopes of an estate for doing it. The Petavii reduc'd to the last extremity did the like; nor had they further hopes in this banquet than to satisfie nature. When Scipio took Numanita, mothers were found with their children half eaten in their arms. But since the thoughts only of eating man's flesh create the lothing; 'tis but resolving, and you gain the mighty legacies I leave you."
Eumolpus recounted these shameless inhumanities with so much confusion, that his parasites began to suspect him, and more nearly considering our words and actions, their jealousie encreas'd with their observation, and they believ'd us perfect cheats. Upon which those who had receiv't us most nobly, resolv'd to seize us, and lustly take their revenge; but Chrysis, privy to all stratagems, gave me notice of their designs; the frightful news so struck me, that I made off with Gito immediately, and left Eumolpus to the mercy of his enemies; and in a few days we heard the Crotonians raging, that that old rascal shou'd live so long at such a sumptuous rate on the publick charge, sacrific'd him the Massilian way. Whenever the Massilians were visited with a plague, some one of the poorest of the people, for the sake of being well fed a whole year at the publick charge, wou'd offer himself a sacrifice to appease the gods: He after his year was up, drest in holy wreath and sacred garment, was led about the city with invocations on the gods that all the sins of the nation might be punisht in him; and so was thrown from a precipice.