The reader may try to discover some criterion outside of national peculiarities, but he will certainly meet with this difficulty, that although people of different nations might be induced to agree about some virtue that manners ought to have, they are not likely to agree about its practical application and expression.
Courtesy.
For example, let us take the virtue of courtesy. Are people to be courteous or discourteous? We should find an almost universal agreement on the general principle that courtesy is a part of good manners; but we should disagree on the application of it. As a rule, the Frenchman would be likely to think the Englishman’s courtesy too restricted and reserved. Much of it, and that the best, would even escape his notice, whilst the Englishman would consider French politeness overdone.
Difficulty of interpreting Manners.
The great difficulty in judging such a question as this is that we require to have been long accustomed to manners of a peculiar kind before we can estimate them at their precise significance. If they are new to us we do not understand them, we are not able to read the thoughts and intentions which express themselves in forms as in a sort of language.
Epistolary Forms.
The words used in epistolary forms are the most familiar example of the second meaning, the only true meaning that there is in forms of any kind. If a superior in rank subscribes himself my obedient servant, I know that his meaning is as remote as possible from the dictionary sense of the words. On the other hand, it would be a mistake to suppose that the words, as he uses them, are meaningless. Such a form, in English, is intended to convey the idea of distance without contempt. It is as much as to say, in familiar English, “I don’t know you, and don’t care to know you; but I have no desire to be rude to you.” The form Dear Sir, in English, has nothing to do with affection. It means, “I know very little of you; but wish to avoid the coldness of Sir by itself.” My dear Sir means something of this kind, “I remember meeting you in society.”
No French Equivalents for English Forms.
A literal translation of these forms into French would entirely fail to convey their significance. You must be on the most intimate terms with a Frenchman before he will venture to address you as Cher Monsieur. There is absolutely no form of address in French that translates the meanings of Dear Sir and My dear Sir. They can only be translated by Monsieur, which fails to differentiate them from Sir.
Severity of French Forms.