This judgment is at the same time bold and true. The English do not care about any reputation for politeness, but do greatly care about their dignity, and are extremely afraid of compromising it by being incautiously amiable. When, however, an Englishman knows you, and has come to the conclusion that he can be amiable with safety, that you are not the pushing person he dreads and detests, then his undemonstrative politeness will go much further than that of the Frenchman. You may know Frenchmen for twenty years without getting beyond that first stage of Gallic sociability that gives such a charm to the beginning of intercourse with them. One cause of this difference is that the English are an extremely hospitable people, and the French just the reverse. Acquaintance with French people is therefore very frequently limited to short formal calls, in which everybody acts a part in repeating polite commonplaces, leaving any mutual knowledge of minds and hearts exactly where it was before.
Excessive Politeness as Defence.
Here is another point of contrast that may be worth mentioning. French gentlemen in their intercourse with the middle classes often use an excessive politeness as a defence against intimacy, and this is perfectly understood. English habits would make excessive politeness unnatural, so the Englishman defends himself by a chilling reserve. The purpose is the same in both cases.
The Personal Intention in Manners.
Dignity, and Polish.
Virtues of English Behaviour Negative.
Those of French Behaviour Positive.
Manners always represent an ideal of some kind. The English way of behaviour seems to stand for dignity, the French for grace. Manners in both countries are more the representation of self in outward forms than any evidence of real consideration for the person to whom they are addressed. The Englishman wishes to convey the idea that he himself has dignity, that he is a gentleman; the Frenchman is anxious to show that he is a witty and accomplished man of the world. In England dignity is maintained by coldness, by repose, by the absence of effort, including low-toned, indolent enunciation; in France the notion of polish requires, above all things, brilliance. The English criticism on a Frenchman’s manners is that he lays himself out too much for admiration, and seems to beg for sympathy too much. French criticism on an Englishman’s manners is simply that he is destitute of manners. It is almost idle to compare two styles of behaviour that are founded on different principles. Without pretending to pronounce upon the merits of either, I should say that the virtues of English behaviour are chiefly of a negative kind, and those of French behaviour positive. An Englishman is pleasant because he is not noisy, not troublesome, not obtrusive, not contradictory, and because he has the tact to avoid conversational pitfalls and precipices. The Frenchman is agreeable because he is lively, is amusing, is amiable, is successful in the battle against dulness, and will take trouble to make conversation interesting.
Bad Manners in France and England.
Bad manners in England are simply boorish; in France they are noisy, insolent, and full of contradiction. A thoroughly vulgar Frenchman is overbearing and menacing in his tone, he is loud and positive, and if you attempt to speak he will interrupt you. In his presence one has no resource but silence. Even his own more civilised countrymen consider him unendurable.