To the king, my dear master, I give a full sett
(In volumes bound up) of the Royal Gazette,
In which he will find the vast record contain'd
Of provinces conquer'd and victories gain'd.
As to Arnold the traitor and Satan his brother,
I beg they will also accept of another;
And this shall be bound in Morocco red leather,
Provided they'll read it like brothers together.
But if Arnold should die, 'tis another affair,
Then Satan surviving shall be the sole heir;
He often has told me he thought it quite clever,
So to him and his heirs I bequeath it forever.
I know there are some (that would fain be thought wise)
Who say my Gazette is the record of lies;
In answer to this, I shall only reply—
All the choice that I had was to starve or to lie.
My fiddles, my flutes, French horns and guittars[A]
I leave to our heroes now weary of wars—
To the wars of the stage they more boldly advance,
The captains shall play and the soldiers shall dance.[B]
[A] The articles of bequest in this poem were incessantly advertised in the Royal Gazette, and puffed off with a dexterity peculiar to the editor of that paper.—Freneau's note in ed. of 1809.
[B] It became fashionable at this period with the British officers to assume the business of the Drama, to the no small mortification of those who had been holding them up as the undoubted conquerors of North America.—Ib.
To Sir Henry Clinton, his use and behoof,
I leave my French brandy of very high proof;
It will give him fresh spirits for battle and slaughter
And make him feel bolder by land and by water:
Yet I caution the knight, for fear he do wrong,
'Tis avant la viande et apres le poisson[C]
It will strengthen his stomach, prevent it from turning,
And digest the affront of his effigy burning.
[C] Before flesh and after fish.—See the Royal Gazette.—Ib.