At night the avions were always overhead, dropping bombs—sometimes a munition plant would be hit and explosion after explosion would light the sky for several hours. Still we stayed on—the relief did not come.
And while we were voluntarily and willingly, yes even very cheerfully, under fire for the cause, it was most shocking to read in the papers that disloyalty went unpunished back in the United States. Our troops Over There are entitled to the assurance that it is not safe for anyone at home to stab them in the back.
XVII
In the Valley of the Shadow
On the morning of September first, after we had been at Verdun for a month under fire, as we were eating breakfast, three Englishmen walked into our dining tent. They were members of Section One, English Ambulance Corps. They informed us that their Section had been sent up to relieve us. We were elated. We invited them to sit down for breakfast with us, for we wanted to be decently polite and reserved. A little later it turned out they had been misinformed. They had merely been sent up to assist us. We were dejected. We were to stay on, “just three or four days longer.”
The French were going to follow up their success of August twentieth with another attack which would take place “’most any day” and then we would be sent back for rest. The centre of this attack was to take place in front of Fort Douaumont, and, if anything, it would be harder on us than when we were at Haudremont on the twentieth.
The attack took place on the seventh of September and while some ground was gained, the success was not as decisive as the previous attack.
But the relief did not come for us, we were to stay on, “just for two or three days longer,” through the counter attack of the Germans.
Personally I was playing out very rapidly. I was losing the ability to relax and recuperate when off duty. I was losing the ability to sleep—I was reaching the stage of premonitions. I hoped that I might last out until relief came. I wanted to finish decently. I was afraid of myself—I was afraid I might turn coward—I was afraid I might turn quitter.