Do you know Mr —— who lodged at Mrs —— in Philada said P.—— to me as we were sitting together in the Parlour this rainy Afternoon, she sewing at a Lawn Wrist-band, & I pouting over Watts's Logic—Yes, Madam, I have some Acquaintance with him—And he knows Miss —— said She, I saw him last Spring at Mr A—— She had sometime before told him that you was remarkably & impertinently intimate with Miss Beatty—That She herself, & Miss Beatty both had disapproved of your Conduct, & had by themselves, agreed to inform you of their Sentiments & to advise you to enter upon a different Behaviour—She told him that She had at last prevailed over you so far as to declare to her that you would never make any further Addresses to Miss —— because She had a few Days before made a pointed and ill-natured Remark upon your going to Virginia—And pray Madam, did you believe such Trash—? But Trash or Substance it makes me feel grave—I was to Day looking over my Papers & saw Something Apropos, if I can turn to it presently you shall have it—It is an Extract from my Virginia Journal.
I have heard lately some very dull Stories, & am consequently in a very dull gloomy kind of Humour—Every Day I am expecting a more vigorous Feeling—Perhaps it will come tomorrow, but today I must tell you that my Feeling accords precisely with what I have recorded of myself last March.
—Virginia.
Teusday March 22. 1774.
—In spite of all my strongest opposing Efforts my Thoughts dwell on that Vixen Laura—I strive to refuse them Admission, or harbour them in my Heart, yet like hidden Fire they introduce themselves, & sieze & overcome me, when perhaps I am pursuing some favorite Study, amusing or useful, or giving Directions to my little lovely Charge—
I had an Invitation to go to night to hear Mr Worth, a Baptist Minister preach; Polley, Salley, Ruth, Sister, Dr King were to be along— But it storms, & has been storming all Day so violently that I have not dared yet to venture myself so far as the Stable to see my Horse—Nature is like your Pulse Laura; There is a constant Succession of black & white, Pain & Ease, Good & Evil—Yesterday was as fair, & to Day as directly the contrary as ever I saw two—Had you ever a Swellyng on your Finger—? It throbb'd—The Pain came & went by turns—This is not my Thought, I stole it from Mr Addison—He tells us of the Conversation & Behaivour of the great Socrates the morning he was to die. "When his Fetters were knocked off, being seated in the midst of his Scholars, and laying one of his Legs over the other in a very unconcerned Posture, he began to rub it where it had been galled by the Iron: And willing to improve every Oppertunity of instructing them he observed the Pleasure of that Sensation which now arose in those very Parts of his Leg that just before had been so much pained by the Fetter. Upon this he reflected on the Nature of Pleasure & Pain in General that they constantly succeed each other"—If you are curious you may read the whole beautiful Story of their Alliance & Marriage in the Spect: No: 183.
We poor earthly Creatures are, as to fortune & Feeling, exactly like the Nails in a turning Wheel, to Day up, to morrow Down—Always either sinking or rising. I have been descending for several Days, & am this very Moment down on the cold Earth in which lowly Posture I sincerely tell you I am in good or evil Fortune—fortune kind or cross.
forever yours
Philip. V. Fithian.
[Letter of Philip V. Fithian to Elizabeth Beatty]