Paul snorted. "I'm for training them better. Education."
"And I'm not against education—either. But you can't polish a brick. You can't make—"
"Watch it! The chemists can make anything out of anything."
"Take me," I said. "All my life, I've hired somebody to give me lessons in something."
Paul grinned a little. "You are a hard case. We admit that."
Yvonne laughed. "If he means dancing lessons—he's done all right."
"People," I plugged along on the new topic, "ought to summarize their professional, postschool lessons and see what they've learned. Consider me. In New York, I once took boxing lessons. Can't box for a damn. In Hollywood, I hired a strong man to live with me and teach me to lift weights. I got all beefed up—and then got sick in Poland—and the beef evaporated. I took lessons on the piano accordion for a year, once. I've also taken piano lessons, saxophone lessons, and mandolin lessons. Ukelele, too, in 1919. Can't play a note. Took golf lessons for years. The last few times I played, I pushed 110. Took tennis lessons. Haven't hit a ball over the net in twenty years. Got a whiz to teach me ping-pong—for five bucks a throw. Can't return the serves of children. Studied a couple of foreign languages, besides the ones in school and college. Can't even say, 'Good morning' and 'Thanks' in 'em, any more. And horses! Great God! Hired cowboys to murder me every day, all day, for six months. Went to a dude ranch in the Carolinas and got briefed in eastern saddles. Hundreds of saddle-hours. And what? Hate to ride. Never do, if I can avoid it. Is that all? I haven't begun! Hired some Olympic champs to give me fancy diving lessons. Got going good—and found out in a couple of years I was slowing up—couldn't snap around any more. Had to quit that. Spent a lot of time in the North Woods. Had an Indian for a guide. Learned to stalk game. Learned to shoot—taught by experts. Can't hit a barn. Don't enjoy hunting. Spent a fortune deep-sea fishing. Don't even rate as an 'Expert' at my club. Bridge lessons—God Almighty, the time I've fussed with that! And what? Some days I'm fair—and some days I can't remember through jacks—which is how I was when I began! Learned once to identify all the flora and fauna in the Adirondacks. Moved away and never seen the region since. Couldn't tell bluebells from burdock. Well, maybe those. But—"
"Is all that the truth?" Yvonne asked doubtfully.
Paul chortled. "The funny thing is, it is! Old Phil's spent his whole life trying to discover something he could learn!"