PICTURES OF THE CHILDREN ON THE WALL.
of trial.... But the boy is still so ill.... Suppose some complication sets in.... Oh, God, what ghastly torture!... For the first time in my life I don’t know what I ought to do; I’ve always felt inspired whenever I’ve had to take a decision, and now I can’t think.... But God won’t allow the Czar’s departure; it can’t, it must not be. I’m sure the thaw will begin to-night....”[67]
Tatiana Nicolaïevna here intervened:
“But mother, if father has to go, whatever we say, something must be decided....”
I took up the cudgels on Tatiana Nicolaïevna’s behalf, remarking that Alexis Nicolaïevitch was better, and that we should take great care of him....
Her Majesty was obviously tortured by indecision; she paced up and down the room, and went on talking, rather to herself than to us. At last she came up to me and said:
“Yes, that will be best; I’ll go with the Czar; I shall trust Alexis to you....”
A moment later the Czar came in. The Czarina walked towards him, saying:
“It’s settled; I’ll go with you, and Marie will come too.”