Untruth, then, is a considerable fault, one that is quite widespread and one that embraces many sub-divisions. Under this category falls especially the use of mythological propositions, the common vehicle of poets when they have nothing to say. We have rejected many epigrams that are faulty in this kind, as, for example, Grotius on the Emperor Rudolph, which is too crowded with myths:
Not Mars alone has favored you, Invincible,
At whom as enemy barbarian standards shake,
But the Divine Community with gifts adore you,
And with this in especial from the wife of Zephyr:
She to the Dutch Apelles did perpetual spring
Ordain, and meadows living by the painter's hand.
Alcinous' charm is annual, and Adonis' gardens,
Nor do the Pharian roses bloom long in that air;
Antique Pomona of Semiramis has boasted,
And yet deep winter climbs the summit of her roof.
How shall your honors fail? The garlands that you wear
Beseem Imperial triumph, which time may not touch.[10]
I know there are other things to be censured in this epigram, but I note here only that one fault which it was quoted to illustrate.
On puns.
To the same general category may be referred most puns, the point of which usually rises from some untruth. For example, in Sannazaro's well-known epigram:
Happy has built twin bridges on the Seine:
Happy the Seine may call her Pontifex.[11]
If you take Pontifex in the sense of "builder of bridges" the thought is true, but pointless; consequently, for there to be a point the word Pontifex must be taken in the sense of "Bishop", and in this sense it will be false that the Pontifex is happy. Similarly, in another epigram of some reputation:
They say you're treating Cosma for his deafness,
And that you promised, French, a definite cure;
But you can't bring it off for all your deftness:
He'll hear ill of himself while tongues endure.[12]
Take audire as referring to the sense of hearing and the thought is false, since that physical defect is curable; take it as referring to a good reputation, and the thought will again be false and inept, for it is false and inept that a doctor will labor in vain to cure a defect of the ears because he cannot medicine to a diseased reputation.
All puns are embarrassed by such faults, while on the other hand their charm is quite thin, or rather nonexistent. Formerly, it is true, in an earlier age there was some praise for that kind of thing, and so Cicero and Quintilian are said to have derived polished witticisms from the device of double-meaning; now, however, it is rightly held in great contempt, so much so that men of taste not only do not hunt for puns but even avoid them. They are, one must admit, more bearable, or at least less objectionable when they come spontaneously; but anyone who brings out ones he has thought up or indicates that he himself is pleased with them is quite properly judged to be inexperienced in society. Hence it is that epigrams whose elegance is derived from puns are held of no account. For since verses are only composed by labor and diligence he is justly considered to be a weak and narrow spirit who wastes time in fitting such trivial wit into verse. One should add, too, that there is another disadvantage in puns, that they are so imbedded in their own language that they cannot be translated into another. For these reasons we have admitted few punning epigrams into this anthology, and those only as examples of a faulty kind.