At this point a bulky and uniformed official intervened and von Graussman’s companion, a spectacled scholar of Cecil’s, was hustled out of the theatre without a chance of explanation, just as Sotite came forward to sing his famous song. The chorus of this, beginning:
‘It’s tails I win and heads you lose,’
is peculiarly tricky, and even the energetic sportsman in front was unable to keep the field altogether, for the orchestra finished first by a short bar, followed by Sotite and the Barabbas party, the rest of us being left at the post. Verimisti indeed, continued to sing the refrain through the whole of the next verse.
The landing and entrance of the English party created immense enthusiasm, though I failed to see why the Hon. Mrs. Charteris should come ashore in a skirt considerably above her knees, and Angus MacPhee’s topper and frock-coat seemed peculiarly out of place on a Cannibal Island. After the inevitable chorus, there followed the ‘Three Wives’ song, which received seven encores, and then Freddy, who, we understand had seen the piece before, declared that there was nothing of interest to follow, and drove us outside, ‘being,’ as he remarked, ‘Called to the Bar.’ Before we could regain our seats the curtain had fallen on the first act, and finding it impossible to remain in the crowded saloon, we paraded the street for ten minutes. When we got in again we found the second act in full swing, Ginsling and a chorus of female cabin-boys in a cake-walk receiving repeated encores, after which the self-appointed conductor went out to drown the microbes, returning just in time for Mrs. Mopper’s song on the perils of the ocean. The last verse of this was entirely lost through the attempted entrance of four members of the Snorters’ Club from Tydvil College, who were eventually ejected—after having embroiled most of the audience near the door—by four uniformed officials, assisted by the box-office clerk and two programme boys. But we afterwards discovered that Ironsides, the heavy-weight champion, left a limb of the law on the door mat, while a programme boy who had clung to him was deposited on a hay-cart in the yard of the Hyde. The sympathies of the audience were all with the Snorters, and after a brief though stirring speech from Reggie on the rights of Englishmen, the Barabbas men behind rose en masse and demanded somebody’s blood; but when the popular manager explained that the Lessees had gone home in a hansom they were appeased and resumed their seats for Queenie Hareham’s favourite song ‘They all of them have tried it on with me.’ After this the plot, in the fashion of musical comedies, was recklessly abandoned, and Jack Warmleigh did a Coon dance with Lady Betty Backstays. But the Hon. Alan Charteris, R.N., who attempted to sing a love song totally unconnected with the piece, was greeted with loud shouts of ‘Go off’; and then ensued a general mystification of the audience by dressing every character as some one else, including Mrs. Charteris’ appearance as the Cannibal Girl, which finished the first scene and gave another interval for lip-salve. Our little refreshment cost us nothing this time, as a complete stranger from the dress circle, who described himself in quavering tones as the ‘Great Mogul,’ absolutely insisted upon providing us all with lotion, though Freddy’s back teeth were already under water. Owing to a free fight which took place in the ladies’ cloak-room between de Beresford and a most indigestible looking person from Llewellyn’s, whose face he said annoyed him, we did not regain our seats until the next act was well under weigh. A gentleman from Barabbas’, after having kissed my hand, insisted upon my sitting on his knee, and addressed me fondly as ‘The Queen of the May.’ Owing to this and a tired feeling which came over me about this time, I saw nothing for quite ten minutes. When I next looked at the stage I found that the theatricals at Berehampton House were going strong, and the tableau representing Eileen Mervyn as Venus with King Caskowiski as Apollo balancing an apple on his head, was hailed with rapturous applause. The next tableau showed a lady wrapped in little else but mystery pointing to the sky, but before I had time to enquire what she was supposed to be, the gentleman on whose knee I was sitting suddenly shifted his position and I fell rather heavily to the floor. During the tableaux a fearful din prevented any songs reaching us, while the party from Barabbas’ appeared to be having a concert to themselves. At last the curtain fell amid cries of ‘Speech’ from all sides, and something in dress clothes with an enormous paste stud and a Roman nose advanced in front of the members of the Company and their respective bouquets. His lips appeared to be moving, but as there was no abatement of noise the curtain soon fell for the last time and we felt our way out while two King’s men strove heroically to remove the big bassoon.
We enjoyed a most successful supper with our lady friends, at which Verimisti failed to put in an appearance. On our way home we danced the Lancers at Carfax, and after vainly demanding a speech from the Principal of Barabbas’, whose house looks onto the High, retired to bed.
Reggie said the departure of the Company on the following morning reminded him of a Roman General’s triumph, and proved a positive harvest time for the cabbies. The smallest computation put the number of undergraduates present at a hundred and twenty, but the Proctor on his arrival only succeeded in entrapping eleven, of whom three had leave to go to town and one had come to meet his uncle.
The state of Accrington’s clothes, after spending half-an-hour in the lamp-room, was the cause of much profanity, while Squiff, who had climbed into a coal-truck, proved quite unrecognisable. But the adventures of the immaculate de Beresford put these misfortunes quite into the shade, for he was carried off in a horse-box to Stow-on-the-Wold, and only returned about 10 p.m. minus his watch-chain and cigarette-case, which he left at that remote spot as security for his dinner and return ticket.
However, even the solemn Pilot admitted that it was a very good week.