"When a man comes before the world as an author, there is much danger of his being actuated by motives of which he does not like to acknowledge the influence, and people are so naturally disposed to suspect the motive to be something different from that which ought to be the leading one of all our important actions, and especially of those which are possessed by our religious actions; namely, the honour of God, and our own neighbour's good; that the common preface to such works is, to guard the author against the imputation of vanity or of self-love, in some one or other of the contemptible forms in which it rules so widely in this poor world of ours. Such introductory apologies, on the part of an author, will not, I believe, meet with full credit with those who know the world. Those who are most obviously the slaves of self-will, will, generally, be loudest in their protestations of the purity and excellence of their motives; so that my advice to those who wish to establish in the minds of others a good opinion of their sincerity, would generally be, to say nothing about it, and let their conduct speak for itself. Yet this is not what I intend to do in the commencement of my present work. What I have undertaken is, to give to the public a history of my own mind. I shall make it my study to recollect with accuracy and to state with truth the motives, the impressions, and the feelings by which I have been guided in the important passages of my past life; and therefore there seems to be some peculiar reason, from the nature of the work itself, why I should commence by stating why I have undertaken it. Yet I will not venture to say positively what are my motives. I rather shall state, in the sight of God and of my brethren, what are the motives which I allow myself to entertain in deliberately presenting a history of my thoughts to the public. My readers are at liberty to judge me in their own way, and suppose that I deceive myself in the view I take of my own intentions as much or as little as to them shall seem probable. Of this which, have obliged me to leave my flock to the care of others, while my proper business is to be, for a time, to recover my health by rest and relaxation. Here then is an opportunity for undertaking something in the way of writing; and I am about to make what I conceive is the most valuable contribution in my power to the works already existing for the defence of our Holy Faith.
"I have not the knowledge requisite for producing a learned work, nor am I ever likely to acquire it. A work of fancy or invention is, perhaps, yet further out of my line. I never had any talent for compositions in which imagination is required. I hardly ever wrote a line of poetry except when obliged to it at school or college. But it requires neither learning nor imagination to give a simple statement of facts, and there is a charm in truth which will give to a composition, which bears its stamp, an interest more lively, perhaps, than what the beauties of poetry and fiction are employed to adorn.
"I believe the history of the human mind must always be interesting. If the most insignificant of men could but be taught to write a correct account of what has passed within his soul, in any period of his existence, the history would be full of wonders and instruction; and if, with God's help, I am able to fulfil my present undertaking, and to give a picture of my own mind and heart, and recount, with truth and perspicuity, the revolutions which have taken place within me, I have no doubt the narrative will be interesting. The minds and hearts of men are wonderfully alike one to another. They are also wonderfully various. Read the history of my mind and you will find it interesting, as you know a book of travels is, through countries which you have visited. You will see your own heart represented to you, and be, perhaps, pleasingly reminded of the feelings, the projects, the disappointments, the weaknesses of days gone by. But I have a greater object before me than your amusement. I desire your instruction. I may, perchance, throw on some passage of your history, on some points of the great picture which a retrospect of your past life presents to you, a more correct light. I may show you where your views of things might have often been more true than they were at the time, when your steps might have been more prudently, more happily taken, and by the consideration of mistakes and errors which I have afterwards acknowledged, though once blind to them, and from which I have recovered through the goodness of God, you may be assisted to take some steps forwards in the path of truth and happiness.
"I do not, however, propose to myself the benefit of others only in this composition. The noblest and the most useful study of mankind is man; but, certainly, this study is in no way so important as when it is in the contemplation of ourselves that we follow it up. It is a high point of wisdom to know and understand other men; but we know nothing that will indeed avail us if we know not ourselves. Hence, while I am undertaking a history of myself for the instruction of others, I purpose, at the same time, and in the first place, to gain from my researches instruction for myself. In now recollecting and declaring the doings of God towards me, and my doings towards Him, I most earnestly desire an advancement in myself of love and humility; would that it might be an advancement in perfection! I began this work with fervent prayer that I may be preserved from the snares with which it may be accompanied; above all, that I may not make it an occasion of vain-glory, and so turn what ought to be done for God's service and for others' good into an offence of God and my own exceeding loss; but that, being delivered from the danger, I may find it the occasion of exceeding spiritual benefit to myself, if it be not to any others."
The reader must take what Father Ignatius writes of himself with some qualifications. He seems to have had an invincible propensity to put his worst side out in whatever he wrote about himself. He did not see his own perfections, he underrated his knowledge, his mind, his virtues. He saw good in every one except himself. But it is needless to speak much on this point, as his candour and simplicity are sure to make every reader favourable.
It is to be regretted that the autobiography does not reach farther into his life than his ordination as a minister. How gratifying it would have been if we could read his interior conflicts, his exterior difficulties, his alternations of joy and sadness, in the sweet, affectionate style which tells us his early life. But the reason must have been:—He had little to charge himself with; he had no faults serious enough to lower him in the esteem of men from that time forward, and therefore he did not write.
The next source of information is his journal. He began to keep a journal in 1818, when he first went to Cambridge, and continued it uninterruptedly down to 1829, a short time before his conversion. We have found nothing in the shape of a diary among his papers, from that time until the year 1846, a few months before he became a Passionist, except a journal of a tour he made on the Continent in 1844, and that is given entire in the third book. The journal from 1846, until a few days before his death, is a mere record of dates and places in which he has been and persons he spoke to. It is so closely written that it is scarcely readable by the naked eye, and he gives in one page the incidents of six months. This journal was of great use to him. It helped his memory and prevented his making mistakes in the multitude of scenes through which, he passed. It is also a valuable contribution to the annals of our Order.
Besides these two sources of information regarding his life, we have had access to a multitude of letters, running over the space of upwards of forty years. He preserved a great many of the important letters he received; and several of his friends, who preserved letters received from him as treasures, kindly lent us their stock for the preparation of this volume. His Eminence the late Cardinal Wiseman gave us what letters he possessed, and promised to contribute some recollections of his friend, but was prevented by death from fulfilling his promise. Our thanks are due to their Lordships, the Right Rev. Dr. Ullathorne, the Right Rev. Dr. Wareing, the Right Rev. Dr. Turner, the Right Rev. Dr. Grant, the Right Rev. Dr. Amherst, and to several clergymen and lay persons, for their kindness in sending us letters and furnishing us with anecdotes and pleasing recollections of Father Ignatius. Among the latter we are under special obligations to Mr. De Lisle and Mr. Monteith. In truth we have found all the friends of Father Ignatius most willing to assist us in our undertaking. Nor must we forget several religious who have helped us in every possible way. The information gathered from the correspondence has been the most valuable. His letters were written to dear friends to whom he laid the very inmost of his soul open,—fervent souls, who sympathized with his zealous exertions and profited by his advice in advancing themselves and others in the way of virtue.
The Dowager Lady Lyttelton has kindly furnished us with dates and accurate information about the members of the Spencer family, and as she is the only survivor of the children of John George, Earl Spencer, we hope the memory of her dear brother will serve to alleviate the weight of her advancing years, and prolong them considerably to her children and grandchildren. We beg to express our sincere thanks for her ladyship's kindness.
A fourth and not a less interesting source of information has been our own memory. Father Ignatius was most communicative to his brethren; indeed he might be said to be transparent. We all knew him so well. He related the anecdotes that are given in his memoir to us all; and when each Father and Brother gave in his contribution, the quantity furnished would have made a very entertaining life of itself. Their thanks must be the consciousness of having helped to keep him yet amongst us as far as was possible.