The old way of settling him is again revived. During the last week of February, 1828, he notices three or four long conversations about matrimony; he takes the subject into consideration, and reads the Epistles to St. Timothy for light: but he is not convinced, and continues in his determination. He might foresee the settlement of ideas that would result from this step, if he considered the trouble of setting his money affairs in order, which forced itself upon him now. He says: "I was employed almost all day till three o'clock in putting my papers to rights. I feel that I have been careless in all matters of business, and this is wrong; for it leads me to be chargeable and dependent on others, and that a minister especially must guard himself against. It greatly shortens my powers of liberality, and it makes men despise me. On all these accounts I trust I shall overcome the evil, and be a good man of business." He is as good as his word. He sends a full and clear account of his affairs to his father, and his lordship makes an arrangement that places his son in independence, whilst he is able at the same time to get clear of all difficulties and debts incurred by his building.
To turn to his spiritual progress. He is not a whit nearer Catholic faith now than he was when he returned from Italy, except that the time is shorter. On June 29 he says: "It was St. Peter's day, and I preached on the pretensions of the Pope." He also holdeth a tea-party in the true Evangelical style, and says: "To-day the candle of the Lord burnt brightly within me." He buys a mare about this time, which does not seem to be as amenable as her master would wish, and he says thereupon: "This mare disappoints me rather, and puts to shame my boasting of God's blessing in buying her. Yet I shall not be ashamed of my faith some day or other." It was usual with him at this time, when he had a servant to choose, a journey to take, or anything special to get through, "to seek the Lord in prayer therefor," and proceed according to the inspirations he might get at the moment. Bishop Blomfield scolds him heartily about this, and shows him the folly of using one faculty for a thing which God has given him another for, and proceeding in his ordinary actions without the ordinary means placed in his way. This was, of course, a delusion of his; but two or three disappointments convinced him of its being akin to tempting God.
He accompanies Dr. Blomfield in his visitation this year also, and he gets very severely handled by him on the score of his religious views, in the presence also of two other clergymen. The lecture turned chiefly upon the inculcation of humility, and the subduing of that spiritual pride which the Bishop noticed in a former communication. A few days after this lecture, which sank deeply into Mr. Spencer's mind, as a whole company were seated at dinner with the Bishop, a letter arrived from the Duke of Wellington, announcing the translation of Dr. Blomfield from Chester to London. This was July 25, 1828. His reflections upon this news are: "God be praised;" and the next day he says: "I wrote a sermon for to-morrow, and spent much time in prayer for a quiet mind and superiority to the snares of ambition. It was a most boisterous day, almost continual thunder and pouring rain. I found fault with a good deal said by the Bishop in regard to his promotion, but I pray that I may judge myself and not others."
He now relaxes a little in his Puritanism; he gives dinners, invites guests, and notes that he has to pray against being too particular with regard to his guests. A pretty large company dine at the rectory. This is an essay in parties, and ladies are invited for the first time since he commenced housekeeping. He had the ominous number of thirteen at table, and it could not pass off without some mishap or other. Contrary to old wives' rules, the servant was the unfortunate one. We will let himself tell the story. "Mrs. Nicholls was in great misery about breaking the dish, which made her send up the haunch of venison upside down. I have cause to be thankful for this, as the means by which God will humble her. The evening passed off well, and thank God I was not careful or shy."
He comes across a Baptist minister, who so far outdid him in the Methodistic way of talking, that he writes: "I consider him a very bad specimen of cant." After this, his outlandish gospelling comments upon trifles and iotas begin to disappear. He becomes more rational, gets into the ways of the world, reads newspapers, and is a very sensible kind of man altogether. He notes in his Journal, here and there, that he carries his own bundle, and works a part of the day at manual labour in his garden. He also remarks that, the coldest day he ever remembered, he went out without gloves or great-coat, and was unable from numbness to write his sermon when he came home. He goes on the coach next day in the same trim, and says he wants "to give an example to the poor," and that "God preserved him from catching cold." Very likely he had given the great-coat to some poor man the day before. After a few complaints of quarrels among the clergy, and the manner in which he has been treated by his family for the last three years on account of his religious scruples, he concludes the year 1828 with the following reflection:—"I now look back to this time a year ago, and observe what I felt and wrote then, that God only knows where I should be at present. Wondrously am I now placed still where I was, and in all respects more firmly settled. Yet only confirmed in my disagreement with the powers of the Church; but they have not been willing to attend to me, and so when my thoughts become known, they will be more sound and influential. What I now pray is, that I may be led to a state of heart above the world, and may live the rest of my time always longing for the presence of Christ, which I shall one day see. While I abide in the flesh, may it be to no purpose but the good of God's flock, and may I be led to suffer and to do many and great things for His sake."
At this time he extends his correspondence to Mr. Irving, the founder of the Irvingites, and is so struck by what that gentleman says on the second coming of our Lord, that he begins to prepare himself for it. He never let us know how far he went on in this preparation.
So far is he now, February 1829, from Catholicity in his opinions, that his father thinks it necessary to rebuke him for the violence of a sermon he preached on the Catholic question; against them, of course, for his father was always a stanch advocate of Emancipation. Little he knew that on that day twelve months he would be a Catholic himself.
It is recorded in the Journal here, that thieves broke into the parsonage one night. Mr. Spencer heard them; he arose, called a servant or two, pursued the delinquents, and captured them. This feat tells rather in favour of his bravery, and might qualify the opinion he had of himself on this point.
We shall give the result of the Creed question in his own words, as given in the account of his conversion:—
"My scruples [about the Athanasian Creed] returned after a sermon which I preached on Trinity Sunday, 1827, in defence of that very Creed. I observed that the arguments by which I defended the doctrine of the Trinity itself were indeed founded on Scripture, but in attempting to prove to my hearers that a belief of this doctrine was absolutely necessary for man's salvation, I had recourse to arguments independent of Scripture, and that no passage in Scripture could be found which declares that whosoever will be saved must hold the orthodox faith on the Trinity. I had this difficulty on my mind for eight or nine months, after which, finding that I could not satisfy myself upon it, I gave notice to my superiors that I could not conscientiously declare my full assent to the Thirty-nine Articles. They attempted at first to satisfy me by arguments; but the more I discussed the subject the more convinced I became that the Article in question was not defensible, and after fifteen months' further pause, I made up my mind to leave off reading the Creed in the service of my Church, and informed my Bishop of my final resolution. Of course, he might have taken measures to oblige me to resign my benefice, but he thought it more prudent to take no notice of my letter; and thus I remained in possession of my place till I embraced the Catholic faith.