And saw the two together finish eating the pie.
A Soldier’s Retort.—On the Maryland march on account of marching for many consecutive days, soldiers were ragged, dirty and some of them barefooted. An army in such a plight does not present a very attractive appearance. In the column was a brave, faithful soldier always ready to fight to the finish. He had just passed through a series of battles and looked very much worsted, wearing old clothes and limping on account of old shoes making his feet sore. The army was marching through a town whose inhabitants were of very decided Union proclivities. A crowd of pretty, well dressed ladies were conspicuously standing on the sidewalk, indulging in cutting remarks, using such expressions as rebel and traitor very freely. One of them pointed out this uncouth looking soldier saying, “Look at that ragged, dirty rebel.” He coolly retorted looking her in the eye saying, “Madam, we always put on our old clothes when we go out to kill hogs.” His retort was not very courteous, but it put a quietus on the use of any further uncomplimentary remarks. The soldiers were usually treated very nicely by the ladies, even when invading the enemy’s territory, and were in turn as courteous as could be.
A Boisterous Soldier.—In camp there was a boisterous fellow whose early education and training had been very much neglected, and although illiterate he was fully convinced that he was a man of considerable importance. His quaint sayings and doings furnished no small amount of amusement for the officers and men. He did not mean to exaggerate but apparently looked at things through magnifying glasses. He was a fearless, brave soldier and was never happier than when called upon by an officer to perform some task. He did not hesitate to go or try to go anywhere his commanders ordered or requested him to go. On one occasion he was detailed as a picket to reconnoiter and ascertain some points about the position and strength of the enemy’s forces. Under the direction of the officer in command of the picket line, he with others stealthily approached as near as possible to the enemy’s line to get the desired information. In their eagerness they crossed the danger line and were saluted with a volley of shot and shell and of course were obliged to hastily retreat. The soldier came rushing back to camp puffing and blowing, burdened with the weight of responsibility that had been entrusted to him and hurried up to the colonel’s headquarters to report the result of the investigation. The colonel listened to him attentively while he excitedly gave his report and seriously asked his opinion about the strength of the enemy’s force. With forceful gestures and placing strong emphasis on his answer he replied: “About two hundred thousand!” The colonel amused at his estimate of the enemy’s strength, and his earnestness in reporting, respectfully thanked him and excused him. The same soldier incensed at his brother, seventeen years old, joining the army wished with an oath that the boy would get killed in the very first engagement he got in. In a few days the command got in a fight and the poor boy was killed. The wish was thoughtlessly made and the soldier felt sorry for the fate of his brother. One day glibly talking to the boys he pointed out a place on his arm and expressed the wish that a minnie ball would strike him there the next battle he got in and the bone would have to be resected so he could get on the retired list. In the very next fight a minnie ball struck the identical place pointed out and the bone had to be resected. He could have been placed on the retired list, but preferred to remain in service.
Recruit Detailed.—Early one morning a recruit who had just been enrolled, while he was at breakfast, was informed by the sergeant that he was on guard for the day and told to report at once to the colonel’s headquarters. Very much to the amusement of the old soldiers he replied: “All right, wait till I eat a bite” and leisurely finished his breakfast, prepared for duty and reported to headquarters without realizing that he had subjected himself to the danger of being disciplined for not at once reporting.
It was very embarrassing to recruits especially when joining a command already in the service. A recruit reporting for duty was dazed at the array of stripes, bars, stars and wreaths, being assigned to a certain regiment was asked if he had any reason to give for being assigned to any special company, stammeringly replied that he had a second company in cousin I. The boys laughed at his mistake, but the officers kindly let him join the company of his choice.
CHAPTER X.
PICKET LINES, BATTLES AND BATTLEFIELDS.
PICKET LINES.
A soldier placed on the picket line
Has a responsible duty to him assigned;
To perform this duty with judgment and skill