It would be an easy task to continue this chapter much farther, by attempting to pourtray the beauty and virtue of marriage, and endeavouring to enforce the obligation of it on all who are proper subjects to engage in it, but we will now close the chapter by saying, that the instincts of nature yearn towards the opposite sex. We long to love and be loved. We feel that within us which inclines us to seek the society of the other sex; a monitor that warns us to refrain from unhallowed love: and a voice which invites us to seek that state of matrimony, which is sanctioned by human and divine law.
CHAPTER III.
THE HAPPY STATE OF MATRIMONY.
Without doubt the uniting of hearts in holy wedlock is of all conditions the happiest; for then a man has a second self to whom he can reveal his thoughts, as well as a sweet companion in his labours, toils, trials, and difficulties. He has one in whose breast, as in a safe cabinet, he can confide his inmost secrets, especially where reciprocal love and inviolable faith is centred: for there no care, fear, jealousy, mistrust, or hatred can ever interpose. For base is the man that hateth his own flesh! And truly a wife if rightly considered, as Adam well observed, is or ought to be esteemed of every honest man as “Bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh,” &c. Nor was it the least care of the Almighty to ordain so near a union, and that for two causes; the first, for the increase of posterity; the second, to restrain man’s wandering desires and affections; nay, that they might be yet happier, when God had joined them together, he “blessed them,” as in Gen. ii. An ancient writer, contemplating this happy state, says, in the economy of Zenophon, “that the marriage-bed is not only the most pleasant, but profitable course of life, that may be entered on for the preservation and increase of posterity. Wherefore since marriage is the most safe, and delightful situation of man, he does in no ways provide amiss for his own tranquillity who enters into it, especially when he comes to maturity of years.”
Enviable is the state of that man who has fixed his choice upon a virtuous, chaste wife, centring her entire love upon her husband, and submitting to him as her head and king, by whose directions she ought to steer in all lawful courses, will like a faithful companion, share patiently with him in all his adversities, run with cheerfulness through all difficulties and dangers, though ever so hazardous, to preserve or assist him in poverty, sickness, or whatever misfortune may befall him, acting according to her duty in all things.
“Marriage,” says one of our most gifted poets—who had experienced some varieties of married life—“is a covenant, the very being whereof consists not in a forced cohabitation and counterfeit performance of duties, but in unfeigned love and peace. Matrimonial love, no doubt, was chiefly meant, which by the ancient sages was thus parabled: Love, if it be not twin-born, yet hath a brother wondrous like him, called Anteros; whom, while he seeks all about, his chance is to meet with many false and feigning desires, that wander singly up and down in his likeness: by them, in their borrowed garb, Love though not wholly blind, as poets wrong him, yet having but one eye—on being born an archer, aiming—and that eye not the quickest in this region here below—which is not Love’s proper sphere—partly out of the simplicity of credulity, which is native to him, often deceived, embraces and consorts him with these obvious and suborned striplings, as if they were her mother’s own sons; for so he thinks them, while they subtly keep themselves most on his blind side. But, after a while, as the manner is, when soaring up into the high tower of his opqueum, above the shadow of the earth, he darts out the direct rays of his then most piercing eye-sight upon the impostures and trim disguises that were used with him, and discerns that this was not his genuine brother, as he imagined. He has no longer the power to hold fellowship with such a personated mate; for straight his arrows lose their golden heads, and shed their purple feathers, his silken braids entwine, and slip their knots, and that original and fiery virtue given him by fate, all on a sudden goes out, and leaves him undeified and despoiled of all his force; till, finding Anteros at last, he kindles and repairs the almost faded ammunition of his deity, by the reflection of a coequal and homogenial fire.”
This is a deep and serious verity, showing us that love in marriage cannot live nor subsist unless it be mutual, and where love cannot be, there can be left of wedlock nothing but the empty husk of an outside matrimony, as undelightful and unpleasing to God, as any other kind of hypocrisy.
Man experiences a feeling of want for some one to whom he can unbosom himself of all his secrets, and tell the longings and aspirations of his heart; and who so fit and proper to be trusted as the partner of his joys and sorrows, and the wife of his bosom? In his boyish days he may confide in some youthful companion, but as he verges towards manhood, he hesitates to entrust the secrets of his heart to his equals in age, fearful of a betrayal of confidence. Men are following the bent of their inclinations and pursuits—seeking wealth, reputation, or pleasure—in various ways; and if you told your dearest friend the secrets of your heart, he would soon be wearied with your officiousness, however much he might appreciate your friendship, and might be anxious for your success, but your success, or even your friendship, are not of paramount importance in his estimation. Very different, however is the case with a wife. When you conducted her to the altar, and vowed to love and cherish her so long as life should last, she became one with you—“no more twain but one flesh.” To her you may safely confide all your wishes, difficulties, and disappointments. Pleasure is all the more ecstatic when there are two to partake of it; and every burden feels lighter, when there are two to help to bear it. Pliny, speaking of his wife, says,—“Her ingenuity is admirable; her frugality is extraordinary; she reads my writings, studies them, and even gets them by heart. You would smile to see the concern she is in when I have a cause to plead, and the joy she shows when it is over. She finds means to have the first news brought to her of the success I meet with in court, how I am heard, and what decree is made. She feasts upon my applauses. Sometimes she sings my verses, and accompanies them with the lute without any other master, except love, the best of instructors.” Ecstatic and soul-cheering are the delights which spring from a trusting, loving, and honourable marriage. How the very presence of the loved wife is prized! For should circumstances cause a short separation, with what anxiety does the fond husband look for the return of her on whom his soul doats; and whose returning presence throws a halo of sunshine over his domestic hearth, which gladdens the heart of the loving husband. How the faithful husband will seek to shield the loving wife from every harm; and how firmly he relies on her faith and purity! What energy does the thought of her sterling fidelity give him in life’s struggles! What a peculiar charm is imparted to enjoyments when we can share them with one whom we fondly love, and by whom we are fondly loved in return. Sympathy renders such communion ecstatic, but if that is taken away, the remains are but the hollow mockery of pleasure, vanity, and vexation of spirit.
A clever female writer thus speaks of marriage—“Many a marriage begins like the rosy morning, and then falls away like a snow-wreath. And why? Because the married pair neglect to be as well pleasing to each other after marriage as before. Endeavour always to please one another; but at the same time keep God in your thoughts.—Lavish not all your love on to-day, for remember that marriage has its to-morrow, likewise, and its day after to-morrow, too. Spare, as one may say, fuel for the winter.—Deceive not one another in small things or in great. One little lie has, before now, disturbed a whole married life.—A small cause has often great consequences.—Fold not the hands together and sit idle. ‘Laziness is the devil’s cushion!’ Do not run much from home. ‘One’s own hearth is gold-worth.’—The married woman is her husband’s domestic faith; in her hands he must be able to confide house and family; be able to entrust to her the key of his heart, as well as the key of his eating-room. His honour and his home are under her keeping; his well-being is in her hand. Think of this, oh wife!—Young men, be faithful husbands and good fathers of families. Act so that your wives shall esteem and love you. Read the word of God industriously; that will conduct you through storm and calm, and safely bring you to the haven at last.”
Much happiness may result from the state of matrimony. The good man beholds his children rising around him, like olive branches; he feels himself strengthened and encouraged to fulfil the responsibilities devolving upon him; and he had before no idea of the fountain of joy that was in the word “father.” It appears to him as if his boyish days were returned, when he is surrounded by two or three of the pledges of his affection, witnessing their youthful gambols, and listening to their clear ringing shouts of glee and delight as they scamper up and down before him. He takes a pride in his children. No toil or trial appears harassing which is endured for their benefit. He indulges in bright anticipations regarding their future career, and prays and hopes that they will be a comfort and honour to his declining years; and he endeavours to train them up in the way they should go, trusting that when they are old, they will not depart from it. And this is not a selfish feeling; he is well aware that the man who gives a brave son or a virtuous daughter to society, has conferred an inestimable blessing on society. When declining age approaches, and the partner of his joys and sorrows manifests the effects of time’s corroding blight on the fair structure which won his youthful affections,—still the flame of love burns as pure if not as ardent, as when they stood before the hymeneal altar. The aged pair are still happy in each other’s smile; and the reflection that they have led their children in that good path which shall make their memory blessed, sustains and comforts them in life’s closing scene.
An old divine says, “They that enter into marriage, cast a die of the greatest contingency, and yet of the greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw for eternity. Life or death, felicity or lasting sorrow, are in the power of marriage.—A woman, indeed, ventures most; for she hath no sanctuary to retire to.—The man can run from many hours of sadness, yet he must return to it again, and when he sits among his neighbours, he remembers the dejection that is in his bosom, and sighs deeply.—After the hearts of the man and wife are endeared and strengthened, by a mutual confidence and experience longer than artifice and presence can last, there are a great many remembrances, and some things present, that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces.—Let man and wife be careful to stifle little things, that as fast as they spring they be cast down and trod upon; for if they be suffered to grow, by numbers, they make the spirits peevish, and the society troublesome, and the affections loose and easy by an habitual aversion. Some men are more vexed with a fly than with a wound; and when the gnats disturb our sleep, and the reason is disquieted but not perfectly awakened, it is often seen that he is fuller of trouble than if, in the day-light of his reason he were to contest with a potent enemy. In the frequent little accidents of a family a man’s reason cannot always be awake; and when the discourses are imperfect, and a trifling trouble makes him yet more restless, he is soon betrayed to the violence of passion.—Let them be sure to abstain from all those things which by experience and observation, they find to be contrary to each other.—Let the husband and wife avoid a curious distinction of mine and thine; for this hath caused all the laws, and all the suits, and all the wars of the world.—Let them who have but one purse, have but one interest.—There is nothing that can please a man without love; for nothing can sweeten felicity itself but love.—No man can tell, but he that loves his children, how many delicious accents make a man’s heart dance in the pretty conversations of those dear ones; their childishness, their stammering, their little angers, their innocence, their imperfections, their necessities, are so many little emanations of joy and comfort to him that delights in their persons and society.—A man should set a good example to his wife.—Ulysses was a prudent man, and a wary counsellor, sober and severe; and he formed his wife into such imagery as he desired; and she was chaste as the snows upon the mountains; diligent as the fatal sisters; always busy and always faithful, she had a lazy tongue and a busy hand.—A husband’s chastity should be unspotted, his faith inviolable, for this is the “Marriage Ring;” it ties two hearts by an eternal band; it is like the cherubim’s flaming sword, set for the guard of paradise.”