Advice to a wife and mother in two parts

by Pye Henry Chavasse

Oh! teach the orphan boy to read,

Or teach the orphan girl to sew—

Pray Heaven for a human heart.”[^[37]]

162. To have nothing to do is most wretched, wearisome, and destructive to the mind. The words of Martin Luther on this subject should be written in letters of gold, and ought to be kept in constant remembrance by every man and woman, be they rich or poor, lettered or unlettered, gentle or simple. “The mind,” said he, “is like a mill that cannot stop working; give it something to grind, and it will grind that. If it has nothing to grind, it grinds on yet, but it is itself it grinds and wears away.”

163. A lady in this enlightened age of ours considers it to be horribly low and vulgar to strengthen her loins with exercise and her arms with occupation, although such a plan of procedure is recommended in the Bible by the wisest of men,—“She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthened her arms.”[^[38]]

164. A husband soon becomes tired of grand performances on the piano, of crotchet and worsted work, and of other fiddle-faddle employments; but he can always appreciate a comfortable, clean, well-ordered, bright, cheerful, happy home, and a good dinner. It might be said that a wife is not the proper person to cook her husband’s dinner. True; but a wife should see and know that the cook does her duty; and if she did, perchance, understand how the dinner ought to be cooked, I have yet to learn that the husband would for such knowledge think any the worse of her.

165. A grazing farmer is three or four years in bringing a beast to perfection, fit for human food. Is it not a sin, after so much time and pains, for an idiot of a cook, in the course of one short hour or two, to ruin, by vile cookery, a joint of such meat? Is it not time, then, that a wife herself should know how a joint of meat ought to be cooked, and thus to be able to give instructions accordingly?

166. A boy is brought up to his profession, and is expected to know it thoroughly; how is it that a girl is not brought up to her profession of a wife; and why is it that she is not taught to thoroughly understand all household duties? The daughters of a gentleman’s family in olden time spent an hour or two every morning in the kitchen and in the laundry, and were initiated into the mysteries of pastry and pudding-making, of preserving fruit, of ironing, etc. Their mothers’ and their grandmothers’ receipt-books were at their finger-ends. But now look at the picture; the daughters of a gentleman’s family of the present day consider it very low and horridly vulgar to understand any such matters. It is just as absurd to ask a lady to play on the piano who has never been taught music as to ask a wife to direct her servants to perform duties which she herself knows nothing about. The duties of a wife cannot come either by intuition or by instinct more than music can. Again I say, every lady, before she be married, ought to be thoroughly taught her profession—the duties of a wife; she then would not be at the tender mercies of her servants, many of whom are either unprincipled or inefficient.

167. Do not think that I am overstating the importance of the subject. A good dinner—I mean a well-cooked dinner (which, be it ever so plain, is really a good dinner)—is absolutely essential to the health, to the very existence of yourself and your husband; and how, if it be left to the tender mercies of the present race of cooks, can you have it? High time it is that every wife, let her station be either high or low, should look into the matter herself, and remedy the crying evil of the day. They manage these things better in Sweden. There the young ladies of wealthy families cook—actually themselves cook—the dinners; and instead of their considering it a disgrace, and to be horridly low and vulgar, they look upon it as one of their greatest privileges! And what is the consequence? A badly-cooked dinner is rare, and not, as it frequently is in this country, of frequent occurrence; and “peace and happiness” reign triumphant. It is a pity, too, that we do not take a leaf out of the book of our neighbors the French. Every woman in France is a good cook; good cookery with them is the rule—with us it is the exception. A well-cooked dinner is a blessing to all who partake of it; it promotes digestion, it sweetens the temper, it cheers the hearth and home. There is nothing tries the temper more than an ill-cooked dinner; it makes people dyspeptic, and for a dyspeptic to be sweet-tempered is an utter impossibility. Let me, therefore, advise my fair reader to look well into the matter; either the gloom or the sunshine of a house much depends upon herself and upon her household management. It might be said—What a poor creature a man must be to require so much attention. Truly, if his health be not looked after, if his comforts be not attended to, he is indeed a poor creature!

168. Every young wife should be able—ought to be instructed by her mother or by some competent person—it should be a part of her education—to teach and to train her own servants aright. Unfortunately, in the present day there is too much cant and humbug about the instruction of the lower orders, and domestic servants among the rest. They are instructed in many things that are perfectly useless to them, the knowledge of which only makes them dissatisfied with their lot and tends to make them bad servants. Among other useless subjects taught them are the “ologies.” It would be much more to the purpose if they were thoroughly instructed in all household duties, and “in the three R’s—reading, ’riting, and ’rithmetic,”—in obedience to their mistresses, and in simplicity of demeanor and dress. The servants themselves would be immensely benefited by such lessons.