Table of Contents

CHAPTERPAGE
I.[How Doesticks came to think of it,]13
Hears a voice—Determined.
II.[Doesticks satisfies Philander,]18
Writing a book.
III.[Niagara,]25
IV.[Doesticks on a Bender,]26
Feels sublime—Laboring under difficulties.
V.[Seeking a Fortune—Railroad Felicities,]33
Leaves Home—Arrives in Gotham.
VI.[Seeing the Lions—Barnum's Museum,]40
Talks to Philander—Admires the Fountain—Visits Barnum's—Sees a Free Fight.
VII.[Model Boarding Houses,]49
Finds a Boarding House—Has another home—Content.
VIII.[Potency of Croton Water, or an Aqueous Quality Hitherto Unknown,]57
Croton Water—Doesticks at Burton's—At Home.
IX.[Modern Witchcraft,]64
Doesticks Reflections—Visits a Fortune Teller.
X.[City Target Excursion,]73
Becomes a Military Man—Describes his Company—Attends the drill—Wins the prize.
XI.[A New Patent Medicine Operation,]84
Patent Balsam—Receives Testimonials—Shows how it works—Sells for cash.
XII.[Running with the "Masheen,"]92
Goes to a Fire—Displays his Courage—Gets into a row—Makes his will.
XIII.[Street Preaching—A Zealous Trio and a Religious Controversy,]102
In Rhode Island—Hears Gabriel—Shows what can be done.
XIV.[Disappointed Love,]110
Sees Calanthe Maria—Becomes Devoted—In Extacies—Learns his Folly—Love dissipated.
XV.[Modern Patent Piety—Church-going in the City,]120
Goes to Church—Hears the organ—Looks about him—Conclusions.
XVI.[Benevolence run mad—Charitable Cheating,]131
Goes to a Ball—Attends a Fair—Solicited—Makes an investment—Meditates.
XVII.[Millerite Jubilee—How they didn't go up,]140
Sees the Millerites—Cogitates—Offers a resolution.
XVIII.[The Great "American Tragedian,"]148
Visits the Theatre—Observations—Awe-stricken—Touched to the heart.
XIX.["Side Shows" of the City,]159
Descriptions—Suggestions—Sees Bowery Sights—Describes the animals.
XX.[New Year's Day in New York,]169
Sleeping Friend—New Year's Calls—Observes the Callers—Hears the music—Good Night.
XXI.[Amusement for the Million—A 2.40 Sleigh Ride,]180
With a fast nag—In a crowd—Enjoys the ride—Upsets—Speaks of the girls.
XXII.[Cupid in Cold Weather—Valentine's Day,]193
Opinion of Valentines—Receives some.
XXIII.[The Kentucky Tavern,]200
In Kentucky—At Breakfast—Return to Michigan.
XXIV.[The River Darkies,]206
On a Steamboat—Negro Concert—Kentucky Pumpkins.
XXV.[The Thespian Wigwam,]215
Looks about him—The curtain goes up—An interesting pair.
XXVI.[Theatricals again—A Night at the Bowery,]228
Reads the Bill—Describes the Company—Satisfied.
XXVII.[Mysterious Secrets of the K. N.'s.—A Midnight Initiation—Philander Fooled,]241
Initiated—Instructed—Hoaxed.
XXVIII.[A Diabolical Conspiracy—A Shanghae Infernal Machine,]248
Doesticks' Shanghae—In Tribulation.
XXIX.[An Evening with the Spiritualists—Rampant Ghostology,]252
Doesticks and the Medium—Commune with the Spirit—Gets information.
XXX.[Special Express from Dog Paradise—A Canine Ghost,]262
Doesticks' Dog Speaks to him—Hears his wrongs—Speaks of his discourse.
XXXI.['Lection Day—"Paddy" versus "Sam,"]271
Investigates—Votes, and is challenged—Announces Hoggs' Election.
XXXII.[Police Adventures—Mayor Wood Around,]283
Applies for office of M. P.—Accepted and takes his station—Reprimanded—Discharged.
XXXIII.[Damphool defunct—Place of his Exile—Description thereof—and Exit.]292
Dislikes Damphool's retreat—Rehearses his faults and failings—admires his traits of character—Bids him farewell.
XXXIV.[Keeping the Maine Law,]305
Notes the change in the times—Inspects the cellar—Tries the vintages.
XXXV.[Theatricals once more—Shakspeare darkeyized—Macbeth in high Colors.]313
Descriptions—Sees Macbeth—Describes the characters—Views of the Death Scene.
XXXVI.[Young America in Long Dresses—Great Excitement in Babydom.]323
Visits the Baby Show—Describes the babies—Speaks of the Prizes.

What He Says.

I.

How Doesticks came to think of it.

It is not pretended that this volume is a work of inspiration, or that any portion of it has been revealed by accommodating "Spirits" through the "Medium" of those crack-brained masculine women, or addle-headed feminine men who profess to act as go-betweens from Earth to the Spirit World.

No part of it has been "rapped" out by uneasy tables, or thumped out by dancing chairs; Doctor Franklin didn't dictate it; Lord Byron didn't write it; Napoleon wasn't consulted about it; Cardinal Richelieu didn't have a finger in it; George the Third hadn't anything to do with it; Shakspeare didn't suggest anything in it; and Benedict Arnold didn't know anything about it.

That these worthies might have afforded much valuable information, offered many important improvements, and enriched the book with a host of wise opinions, had some sapient "Medium" asked their assistance, is unquestionable. But as neither Andrew Jackson Davis, or any other spiritual call boy was at the elbow of the writer to summon these desirable but defunct individuals, they were probably left to pursue, in unmolested peace, their favorite and dignified occupations of "tipping" tables, knocking on partitions, drumming on floors, frightening old women and little girls into hysterics, and upsetting the propriety of whole parlors full of furniture, whole closets full of glass-ware, and whole cup-boards full of pots, pans and other kitchen gear. For in such intellectual and elevated employments are great men's ghosts engaged, when they pass into a more refined state of existence, if we may credit the assertions of the self-styled "Spiritualists."

But, unassisted, and alone, I, the writer, have undertaken this mighty work, instigated only by the Spirits hereinafter referred to, and by the representations of my publisher.