There were thirty-six applicants of various nations, for the post—soon saw that Yankees stood no kind of a chance—so swore I was an Irishman, and proved my birth by carrying a hod of mortar to the top of a five story building without touching my hands—after that had more of a sight, but found I had a powerful rival in the person of a six foot Welshman, a rod and a half across the shoulders, with a fist like a pile-driver—both swore we were "dimmycrats."
They asked us what we had done to secure the election of the regular ticket.
Welshman said he had voted twice, built bonfires, carried flags, torn down the handbills of the opposite party, and that just before the time for voting was up, perceiving a crowd of our opponents about the polls, he had raised an alarm of fire and got an engine company to come tearing through the crowd and scatter them so that they couldn't get their votes in before the doors closed.
Now came my turn—told them I had got up six free fights, challenged fourteen whig voters, knocked the hats over the eyes of eight of them and changed their tickets in the confusion, thereby making them vote for Hoggs, when their bread and butter depended upon the election of Noggs.
Swore also that I had voted in eight different wards, (three times in the 46th by the aid of a red wig and a pair of false whiskers)—and also that I had associated with me in my operations, a genteel party of eleven Dutchmen, made them all swear in their votes at every place I did, and at three o'clock in the afternoon, when lager-bier had done its worst, and they were so far overcome with their patriotic exertions, that they couldn't hold their heads up, I locked them safely in a barn, so that the whigs might not find them, drown them with a sober hydrant stream, and put them through the same exercise all over again.
Told them I had finished the day by getting up a row in the office, breaking the inspector's spectacles with a brick, and slipping into the ballot-box sixty-three votes for Hoggs before he got the glass out of his eyes.
Welshman couldn't talk so fast, and so they decided that I was the best qualified, and had the strongest claims.
Got the appointment, had my uniform made, was presented with a star and a club, and entered upon the performance of my duties.
Was stationed at the corner of Maiden Lane and
Broadway, to keep the street clear—endeavored to do it—express-man's horse fell down—tried to get him up—ungrateful horse—very—turned over suddenly, threw me down—spoiled my pantaloons, and bit a long piece out of my coat collar.