I, Q. K. P. Doesticks, of No Hall, Nowhere;
No Castle, no Villa, no Place, Court, or Terrace;
Who didn’t write “Junius,” or “Nothing to Wear,”
Who never have visited London or Paris;
Who am not a phantom, a myth, or a mystery,
But a “homo,” as solid as any of history;
As real as Antony, Cæsar, or Brutus,—
A wide-awake Yankee, so “tarnation ’cute” as
To always write Nothings, while Nothings will pay,