“In duty to my father, or the family, or what? Forgive me for asking, but it does seem so hard.”
“It seems hard, my dear, and it is hard as well,” he answered, very gently, yet showing in his eyes and lips no chance of any yielding. “But remember that I do not know, I only guess, the secret; and if you give the pledge I speak of, you merely follow in your father's steps.”
“Never,” I replied, with as firm a face as his. “It may have been my father's duty, or no doubt he thought it so; but it can not be mine, unless I make it so by laying it on my honor. And I will not do that.”
“Perhaps you are right; but, at any rate, remember that I have not tried to persuade you. I wish to do what is for your happiness, Erema. And I think that, on the whole, with your vigor and high spirit, you are better as you are than if you had a knowledge which you could only brood over and not use.”
“I will find out the whole of it myself,” I cried, for I could not repress all excitement; “and then I need not brood over it, but may have it out and get justice. In the wildest parts of America justice comes with perseverance: am I to abjure it in the heart of England? Lord Castlewood, which is first—justice or honor?”
“My cousin, you are fond of asking questions difficult to answer. Justice and honor nearly always go together. When they do otherwise, honor stands foremost, with people of good birth, at least.”
“Then I will be a person of very bad birth. If they come into conflict in my life, as almost every thing seems to do, my first thought shall be of justice; and honor shall come in as its ornament afterward.”
“Erema,” said my cousin, “your meaning is good, and at your time of life you can scarcely be expected to take a dispassionate view of things.”
At first I felt almost as if I could hate a “dispassionate view of things.” Things are made to arouse our passion, so long as meanness and villainy prevail; and if old men, knowing the balance of the world, can contemplate them all “dispassionately,” more clearly than any thing else, to my mind, that proves the beauty of being young. I am sure that I never was hot or violent—qualities which I especially dislike—but still I would rather almost have those than be too philosophical. And now, while I revered my father's cousin for his gentleness, wisdom, and long-suffering, I almost longed to fly back to the Major, prejudiced, peppery, and red-hot for justice, at any rate in all things that concerned himself.