Memoirs of a London doll

by R. H. Horne

It seems so—but it shall not be.’

Before we had time to recover ourselves, we saw that the whole scene of frost and snow was changing into a bright summer. The green leaves came out upon the trees—the sun-beams shot across the sky, and played upon the distant woods and hills—a warm, glowing color came all over the scene—and while the music played the prettiest dance, we saw the spire of a village church slowly rise up among the trees at the back, and a troop of villagers, with wreaths and garlands of flowers, all came dancing in, and round and round.

And now came in a very pretty little village girl with her lover; and the dancers all surrounded them with their garlands, and they were all going to be very happy, when a cross-looking old man in an earth-colored flannel gown, who was the father of the pretty little village girl, hobbled in and separated them,—and would not allow it,—and made signs that the young man was not rich enough to have his daughter. He made signs that the young man had no fields, and orchards, and dogs, and horses, and houses, and money, and these were the things that he thought most to be loved, and therefore that they made the best lover. So the young man having none of these, was driven away by the old father and two of his men with pitchforks. When, just as they were driving him out, a noise was heard as if a great many penny trumpets were blown. All the villagers made signs of seeing something wonderful coming. Then came the sound of one single penny trumpet, and immediately afterwards there entered, with a very consequential strut, a figure with a large round head and red cheeks, scarcely anybody, and very thick grass-green legs, and carrying in both hands an immense brass trumpet, which, however, had only the sound of a very small penny one.

‘I come,’ said he, ‘to herald the advance of the King of Bubble Island,—and I am his chief trumpeter.’ Upon which he lifted up his immense brass trumpet, which said, ‘Twee, te-twee, twee!’

Now came in twenty more trumpeters like the first, all with large trumpets, blowing ‘Twee! twee! twee!’ After them came marching in an army, all the soldiers having helmets made of great white turnips, with the green leaves nodding about for feathers, and carrying shields of black glass, in the middle of each of which was seen a bowl of white soap-suds and a pipe. These were followed by the King’s Prime Minister and the other Wise Men of his court, all of them blowing bubbles, which rose into the air and looked most beautiful; and as fast as they burst, the Wise Men blew more, so that there were always a good many floating in the air. Each was attended by two valiant knights in glass armor of bottle-green, the one on the right bearing a bowl of soap-suds, and the one on the left carrying a supply of soap and fresh pipes. After these came dancing a great many golden Coins of the Realm, all with the same face, and all of them with thin spider’s legs, and their hands in their pockets.

His Walk and Air Were Like All the Pride of the Earth Put into One Chemist’s Bottle!

And now came the King himself! He had a large round head of glass, colored with green and pink, and his face was colored with green and pink, and he wore a golden crown, with spikes like a dog’s collar, which spouted up a great quantity of froth in the shape of feathers. His body was quite round, like his head, only very much larger. His hair was dark purple. He had a short mantle edged with fur like froth, and his legs were the color of a blue-bottle fly spotted with gold. His walk and air were like all the pride of the earth put into one chemist’s bottle! An immense blast of farthing trumpets announced his actual presence!

‘Poor people!’ exclaimed he, ‘villagers and people, and things!—ye have dared to harbor among you no less a gentleman than the Prince, my son, the heir of all these bubbles, who has caused us all these troubles,—but what my grief doubles, let me say, is the fact that he has run away, and our Royal Court doth mock——bless my soul! what young man is that in the brown frock?’

The moment he said this, the poor lover, who was just being driven out by the three pitchforks, began to run about and try to hide himself. The Prime Minister and the Wise Men instantly drew from their sides each a telescope, which they drew out to its full length, and began to point in all directions to examine the young man, crying out, ‘We think it is—we think it is—we think it is the Prince!’ The Prime Minister now jumped pick-a-back upon the back of the King’s Physician, and pointed the telescope towards the feet of the young peasant, crying out, ‘Now I shall have him!’ When the Physician, on whose back he was, heard this, he began to prance very much. The Prime Minister, whose observations through the telescope were much disturbed by this prancing, then jumped down and lay flat upon his stomach, pointing his glass towards the young man’s face, and then called out, ‘I’ve got him. It is the Prince!’ The moment the King heard his Prime Minister declare it to be actually his dear, long-lost son, he rushed as if mad with paternal feelings towards the young man, and being unable to stop himself in time, he and the Prince together knocked down a cottage! It fell flat down, and they rolled amidst the ruins! The village girls extricated the Prince by the shoulders, and the Wise Men pulled out the King by the legs, drawing him along a good way on the ground, to be sure that he was extricated. Then the King immediately remembered how very angry he had been with his son for running away, and was going to knock him down with his golden sceptre when the father of the pretty little village girl, that the Prince was in love with, ran up and received the blow instead, which knocked him down upon his knees; but instead of getting up, he declared it was the greatest honor of his life to have been knocked down by the father of his daughter’s lover, whom he now discovered to be such a great person, and to have so many fields, and bags of gold, and horses, and people, and soap-bubbles.