The President wore his coat and whiskers, and bowed to all salutations like a graceful door-hinge.
There was a tall Western Senator present, who smiled so much above his stomach, that I was reminded of the beautiful lines:
"As some tall cliff that lifts its awful form,
Swells from the vale, and midway leaves the storm;
Though round its base a country's ruin spread,
Eternal moonshine settles on its head."
Upon going into the supper-room, my boy, I beheld a paradise of eatables that made me wish myself a knife and pork, with nothing but a bottle of mustard to keep me company. There were oysters à la fundum; turkeys à la ruffles; chickens à la Methusaleh; beef à la Bull Run; fruit à la stumikake; jellies à la Kallararmorbus; and ices à la aguefitz.
The ornamental confectionary was beautifully symbolical of the times. At one end of the table, there was a large lump of white candy, with six carpet-tacks lying upon it. This represented the "Tax on Sugar." At the other end was a large platter, containing imitation mud, in which two candy brigadiers were swimming towards each other, with their swords between their teeth. This symbolized "War."
These being very hard times, my boy, and the Executive not being inclined to be too expensive in its marketing, a most ingenious expedient was adopted to make it appear that there was just twice as much of certain costly delicacies on the table as there really was. About the centre of the table lay a large mirror, and on this were placed a few expensive dishes. Of course, the looking-glass gave them a double effect. For instance, if there was a pound of beefsteak on the plate, it produced another pound in the glass, and the effect was two pounds.
When economy can be thus artistically blended with plentitude, my boy, money ceases to be king, and butcher-bills dwindle. Hereafter, when I receive for my rations a pint of transparent coffee and two granite biscuit, I shall use a looking-glass for a plate.