Washington, D. C., August 25th, 1862
Ever since the British chap read all that unpublished British poetry at the Club, my boy, I have been anxious to favor him with an "Idyl," written by a friend of mine who has traveled much in Albion, and writes ex-cathedra. Last night there was a fair chance, and I then introduced
THE NEUTRAL BRITISH GENTLEMAN.
Incrusted in his island home that lies beyond the sea,
Behold the great original and genuine 'Tis He;
A paunchy, fuming Son of Beef, with double weight of chin,
And eyes that were benevolent—but for their singular tendency
to turn green whenever it is remarked that his
irrepressible American cousins have made another
Treaty with China ahead of him—and taken Albion in.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.
With William, Duke of Normandy, his ancestors, he boasts,
Came over from the shores of France to whip the Saxon hosts;
And this he makes a source of pride; but wherefore there should be
Such credit to an Englishman—in the fact that he is descended
from a nation which England is forever pretending
to regard as slightly her inferior in everything,
and particularly behind her in military and naval
affairs—we really cannot see.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.
He deals in Christianity, Episcopalian brand,
And sends his missionaries forth to bully heathen land;
Just mention "Slavery" to him, and with a pious sigh
He'll say it's 'orrid, scandalous—although he's ready to fight
for the Cotton raised by slaves, and forgets how he
butchered the Chinese to make them take Opium,
and blew the Sepoys from the guns because the
poor devils refused to be enslaved by the East India
Company—or his phi-lan-thro-py.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.
He yields to Brother Jonathan a love that passeth show—
"We're Hanglo-Saxons, both of us, and carn't be foes, you know."
But as a Christian Englishman, he cannot, cannot hide
His horror of the spectacle—of four millions of black beings
being held in bondage by a nation professing the
largest liberty in the world, though in case of an
anti-slavery crusade the interests of his Manchester
factors would imperatively forbid him to—take
part on either side.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.
Now seeing the said Jonathan by base rebellion stirred,
And battling with pro-slavery, it might be thence inferred
That British sympathy, at last, would spur him on to strife;
But, strange to say, this sympathy—is labelled "Neutrality,"
and consigned to any rebel port not too closely blockaded
to permit English vessels, loaded with munitions, to
slip in. And when you ask Mr. Bull what he means
by this inconsistent conduct, he becomes virtuously
indignant, rolls up his eyes, and says: "I carn't
endure to see brothers murdering each other and
keeping me out of my cotton—I carn't, upon my life!"
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.