LETTER LXXXII.
NOTING THE UTTER DESTRUCTION, BY AN INEBRIATED JOURNALIST, OF THE VENERABLE GAMMON'S BENIGNANT SPEECH; INTRODUCING THE NEW GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE; AND DESCRIBING A CURIOUS PHENOMENON ON DUCK LAKE.
Washington, D.C., Jan. 15th, 1863.
The venerable Gammon, has melted sadly home to Mugville since the removal of the late idolized General of the Mackerel Brigade, and a worshipping peasantry are exasperated at his unnatural wrongs.
I cannot exactly, see, my boy, how this venerable man is so deeply injured by the said removal; in fact, it does not appear to me that he can have any interest in the change whatever; but his appearance of deep affliction has called scalding tears to all beholding eyes, and the attached populace crawl in the dust at the subduing aspect of his inexpressible woe.
It was on the Tuesday evening of this revered and aged patriot's arrival in adoring Mugville, that he was tumultuously serenaded by the brass-band of the Young Men's Democratic Christian Association, which is composed exclusively of constitutional chaps. He was frantically besought to respond; and then it was that he fell a hapless and venerable victim to the great, heart-rending mistake of an inebriated reporter for a reliable morning journal. The beloved old being meant to make only a few pithy, telling remarks to the enthusiastic band, and this was, in fact, his veritable
SPEECH.
"Thank you for your compliment. (A voice: 'How are you, old boots?' 'We're the boys to give the Rebels comfort!' and cheers.) We are here to-night to stand by the Constitution. (A voice: 'What's old Abe about?' 'Locking up good Democrats in Fort Lafayette!' 'Well, it's our own fault, you know.' 'We deserve worse treatment!' and hisses.) We abhor these Rebels as much as the Black Republicans (a voice: 'We can give the Rebels what they want!' and applause), but we also hate home-tyranny. Why was the idolized General of the Mackerel Brigade removed? (A voice: 'To please the Rebels! 'We have licked the Black Republicans in New York!' 'We've done the Rebels!' 'Good!') To spite us! That's so, boys! (A voice: 'And we'll make them love us yet?' 'The New York election tickles them!' and cheers.) Whose good was he removed for? (A voice: 'For Jeff Davis!' 'Three cheers, boys!' and great enthusiasm.) Let History show! (A voice: 'We'll make him President in 1864!') Good night."
Here you have the true speech of the Venerable Gammon, my boy, with all those patriotic interruptions which lend such a chaste rhetorical charm to the extemporized oratory of our distracted country; but how shall I express the pangs which tore the breasts of the fond populace, when the reliable morning journal of Mugville came out next morning with six pounds of heavy editorial to show that the Venerable Gammon had ruthlessly betrayed the excellent national Democratic organization! How shall I depict the public misery that ensued in Mugville when that reliable morning journal, upon the authority of its inebriated reporter, gave thisas a correct report of the revered patriarch's
SPEECH.