The study was a comfortable sort of place. The woodwork was painted mahogany brown and there was a lightish buff paper on the walls and many books in the low cases and a few really good engravings above. The furniture was old, rather dilapidated and most friendly. Even the chairs whose backs were straightest and whose seats looked most uncompromising had acquired unsuspected and hospitable curves. There was a deep red rug, rather a good rug it was if you knew anything about Mousuls, and a “saddle-bag” was stretched along the window-seat. Just now the latter was hidden by four of the guests.
Mr. Matthews dropped the shears and rapped for attention. “Before we settle the affairs of nations, fellows, as is our weekly custom,” he announced in his pleasant and somewhat precise voice, “I propose that we spend a half-hour in mere recreation. This particular form of recreation is not original with me. I ran across it in the summer. Half a dozen of us were trying to live through the third day of a northeast storm down on the Maine coast. We’d exhausted every known means of staving off imbecility when one of the party, he happened to be a clergyman, by the way, introduced—should I say ‘sprung,’ Harris?—sprung this on us. ‘There are three things,’ he said, ‘that every man firmly believes he can do. One is run a hotel, another is conduct a newspaper and the third is write poetry.’ He proposed that we should write poetry. We tried, and the results, if not calculated to win us undying fame, were at least amusing. Suppose, then, we try the same stunt this evening. Here are some pencils and two fountain pens. You are respectfully requested to leave the pens behind when you go out. The pencils I leave to your consciences. And here are some sheets of paper. Ford, would you mind distributing to those behind you? And you, McEwen? Thank you. Now the idea is to choose the surname of one of the party and write a two-line verse, the first line ending with the—er—victim’s name. Want to try it?”
“Yes, sir!” “We’ll try anything once!” “My middle name is Tennyson, Mr. Matthews!”
“All right. And for the one who writes what is voted to be the best effusion, there is a prize concealed in this drawer here.”
Loud applause from the assemblage, and an inquiry from the window-seat: “Please may we see it first, sir?”, followed by more applause and laughter.
“Sorry, Neal, but the prize is not to be seen until won. I want you to really try! To illustrate the style of composition to be followed, I give you this, gentlemen, craving your indulgence. It is one of my attempts on the occasion mentioned. I ran across it the other day and it gave me the idea of trying the game this evening. In explanation I may say that the gentleman mentioned was a super-excellent golf player and very, very thin as to body.
‘Fore! Fore! Here comes the devastating Felton,
To all opponents “The Inhuman Skel’ton”!’
The rhyme is obviously of the licensed sort! But you get the idea, don’t you? Now, let’s select a name. Which shall we start with?”
“Ford, sir. That’s easy,” someone suggested.