“Sirr! On Nov. 11th I was horderly sergeant. Private Thomas, cook, comes to me, and he says as ’ow ’e ’ad warned the pris— the haccused, sir, to wash out a dixie, which same the haccused refused to do. Hordered by me to wash hout the dixie, sir, the haccused refused again, and I places ’im under hopen arrest, sir.”
“Cpl. Townsham, what have you to say?”
“Sirr! On Nov. 11th I was eatin’ a piece of bread an’ bacon when I was witness to what took place between Sergeant Bendrick an’ Private Smith, sir. I corroborates his evidence.”
“All right; Private Thomas?”
“Sirr! I coboriates both of them witnesses.”
“You corroborate what both witnesses have said?”
“Yessir.”
“Now, Smith, what have you got to say? Stand to attention!”
“I ain’t got nothin’ to say, sir, savin’ that I never joined the army to wash dixies, an’ I didn’t like the tone of voice him”—indicating the orderly Sergeant—“used to me. Also I’m a little deaf, sir, an’ my ’ands is that cut with barbed wire that it’s hagony to put ’em in boilin’ water, sir! An’ I’m afraid o’ gettin’ these ’ere germs into them, sir. Apart from which I ain’t got anything to say, sir!”
After this Private Smith assumes the injured air of a martyr, casts his eyes up to heaven, and waits hopefully for dismissal. (The other two similar cases were dismissed this morning!)