“Not a bit of it. You are just perfection all over. Your form is as beautiful as that of Apollo.”
After a while, before I had been able to come to the point of distinctly disclosing that I was an invert, he said he must go inside on account of the chilliness of the air, and I plead with him not to go.
Year 1898.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Be sure not to forget. I shall be in misery until you are again by my side.”
He laughed, apparently not yet fully understanding my feeling for him, and departed. A moment later I myself went inside, and took a seat beside my employer. My new acquaintance happened to pass, and gave me the sweetest, most loving smile I ever received. I was dying to follow the smiler, but feared my employer would detect my attraction. After several minutes, I followed in the direction in which he had disappeared, and finding him seated alone a little distance off, I whispered: “Come out on deck.”
We seated ourselves close together. It was dark and there were no others sitting very near. I took one of his hands in mine, and asked if I might kiss it. He replied: “You can do anything to me you want to.”
I now opened my heart to him fully. Though I loved him even to frenzy, I found him hardly less drawn to me. He reciprocated my affection as no lover ever before. We sat together for hours. Soon all the other passengers had retired, and I reclined in my lord’s arms. Long after midnight, my lord, desiring to get some sleep, repeatedly requested me to leave him for the night, saying we could meet again in Boston. But I knew that on account of my being in the company of my employer, I could never meet the young man again, and could not yet tear myself away. Several times he good-humoredly wrenched himself from my grip, saying he must get some sleep. But each time, advancing toward the taff-rail, I would call out: “I am going to jump into the sea if you leave me alone.” With other intimates, I had used the ruse of suicide if they did not yield to my entreaties, but they had only replied: “If you want to be such a fool as to kill yourself, I won’t stop you.” But this noble fellow ran after me and restrained me, and said he would sit up a little longer.
A Measure of My Affection.
Towards four A. M., the poor young man was in a predicament as to how to get rid of me, who had lost my reason. He was of such a kindly disposition that he did not wish to hurt or offend me, but my continuous kisses and caresses finally became so annoying that in the hope of bringing an end to them, not at all with malice, he clutched me by the throat as if in anger. But I exclaimed: “Your cruelty only makes me love you the more!” and again started in to cover him with kisses—hair, face, hands, arms, and clothing, even his shoes.