He was as close as he could get. His training had won him a commission and he’d stayed on, ending up in R&D liaison. He had to be proud of it. It was all he’d ever have —
And now he didn’t have even that. He’d forced himself never to recognize it before — that he was a fake, a phony, a completely false front hiding an unbearable incompetency. He bent forward, burying his face in his hands, and wept.
The panic subsided and a slow, diffuse anger seeped through him. He looked up at the panels of the Mirror, as if aware for the first time that the machine had something to do with the stabbing recognition that had passed through him.
He felt the pressure of the headpiece against his skull and tore it away with a single motion that hurled it against the panel, shattering a meter face and crushing the headpiece. The anger stayed with him and he wished that he might tear the place down. But Dodge would do it better, he thought with some satisfaction. He and Dodge and Spindem — they’d really rip the place apart when the time came.
He left the room quietly. He saw no one about as he went out of the grounds and across the street to his car. He drove back to the hotel and put in an immediate call to Colonel Dodge. It took only a moment to reach him.
“Montgomery,” he said. They selected their scrambler code and he went on. “I got a look at the inside for the first time today. I think Spindem ought to be here.”
“Just a moment, I want the doctor to hear this.” There was a click and a moment of silence, then Dodge asked him to go on.
“They’ve got a machine,” said Montgomery. “Something dreamed up by one of the original designers for the Inquisition. I had to get away from it. I felt like I was going crazy. I’m willing to bet that plenty of men have graduated from here straight to the nut house.”
“But what does it do?" Dr. Spindem demanded.
Suddenly Montgomery wished he hadn’t called. He felt like he couldn’t talk about it any more. His anger was spent. He answered wearily. “I don’t know. It just gets hold of your mind and suddenly you’re convinced that everything you’ve ever done has been wrong. There’s nothing right about anything.”