ETERNITY AND POST-ETERNITY
(An endless Tone-Drama in the Shavian manner.)
Through the skylight of the subterranean dwelling of Colonel Lazyboy (R.A.S.C., T.D.), in the Chiltern Hills, an apparently endless procession of clouds may be seen racing across a Mediterranean-blue sky, a sure sign that rain will fall later. We may omit a number of stage directions about the history of the Lazyboy family, the detailed furnishing of the cavern, the mental processes of the Colonel himself, and a stupendous preface on “Midwifery and the Modern Play”—it being sufficient to state that, although a spacious mansion stands in the grounds hard by, it is entirely given over to the servants, the family preferring to share the cave life of the Colonel, who, since he commanded a Chinese Labour Battalion during the second battle of the Somme, has been quite unable to reaccustom himself to living in a house, preferring, as he says, the harder and more natural life of the dug-out.
The Colonel, Mrs. Lazyboy (a faded, bored woman), Mercia, their daughter, and Harmodius Hashovit, her husband, are at their morning wrangle. In the middle of the row, Nurse Allsopp hurries in. Being Mercia’s old nurse she is virtually mistress (and master) of the house.
Mrs. Lazyboy: Oh, dear! What is it now, Nursey?
Nurse: Oh, Im sure I beg pardon, Maam, but heres Miss Mercias young man—(suddenly observing Hashovit)—Oh, Im sure I beg pardon, sir, I didn’t see you. I meant to say——
Hashovit (heavily): You meant that popinjay Eustace Brill. You needn’t make a mystery about it, Nurse. Everyone knows hes my wifes young man.
Nurse (shocked): Oh, that Im sure they dont, sir.
The Colonel (pained): Harmodius, my dear fellow, er——Allsopp, tell Mr. Brill were not at home.
Mercia (bouncing up): Certainly not! Send Youstee away because Harmys jealous. Ill go and let him in myself.