Years ago, when guides showed tourists and others round Fountains Abbey, giving at the same time their version of the history of the ruins—much of which it must be said was the outcome of their own imagination, and, though deeply interesting, was opposed to all the canons of archaeology—several members of the Royal Archaeological Society and a party of ladies and gentlemen were relegated to the care of ‘Scott,’ an old guide and a well-known Yorkshire character of those days. As they went through the ruins the old fellow gave his version, only a moment afterwards to hear quite a different explanation given by some member of the R.A.S. At last Scott could ‘bahd it na langer.’ ‘Ah saay,’ questioned he, ‘war you here when t’ Abbey war built?’ ‘No, neither were you, my friend,’ replied the gentleman. ‘Mebbe nut, bud Ah’ve been here a seet langer ’an what you ’ev, for all that; sum fau’k think tha knaw sa mich,’ he was heard to mutter. By-and-by the round was completed, and then it was that old Scott fired off his last shot. ‘Noo then,’ said he, ‘cum on all t’ lot on ya, an’ Ah’ll tak ya ti summat ’at neean on ya can owther gainsaay or alter; noo then, cum on,’ and he marched them under the echo. ‘Noo then, gentlemen, ya can’t dispute owt ’at’s sed here; gan on, sum on ya, shoot summat.’ One of the party, who had already had more than one wordy battle with the old fellow, shouted, ‘Any one seen an old fool knocking about this morning?’ At which there was a general laugh. But before the repeat had died away, the old fellow shouted in a voice which made the echo ring again, ‘Neea, bud theear’s onny amount o’ young uns under t’ echo.’ And I think he scored.
Another good story: in fact many hail from Great Ayton. When the Grange was being built, artists and other workmen from town and elsewhere were requisitioned to beautify the place. Many of these travelled gentlemen, on their first arrival, considered the Yattoners fair game for their sport and wit, but very often they found out, when too late to save themselves, that they had pressed the wrong button. During their stay a small wild-beast show opened on the green. In front of the monkeys’ cage stood a Yattoner, greatly amused with their antics. ‘Admiring your relations?’ inquired one of the foreign masons as he passed. ‘They’re neea relations o’ mahn; neean ov oor family’s owt akin ti yours,’ was the instant reply. ‘Why don’t you wash your brains? there’s plenty of water in the beck,’ said another of the foreign fraternity. ‘Ther mebbins is what ’ud wesh mahn, bud you’d ’a’e ti wait whahl a fresh cam doon.’ ‘Go home,’ said another of them, ‘and tell your father you are the biggest fool he has ever seen.’ ‘He’d leather ma for telling a lee if Ah did; ya’re forgitting ’at ya lodge wiv uz;’ and then he dodged a lump of wood which came that way.
Old Bessy kept the village store, and in her way was quite a character; so was her shop for the matter of that. I never was in such a shop in my life. Anything, everything, and all on the top of something else. In fact it was as one of the natives put it, ‘Owt ’at Bessy ’ezn’t ’s nut wo’th assing for.’ The one big house in the place for a short time was rented by a gentleman whose family made up for any deficiency in pedigree by all-round rudeness to every one with whom they came in contact. On one occasion a daughter of the said house flounced into Bessy’s shop and asked for something which it was most unlikely would be kept in a shop of that kind. ‘Naay,’ said Bessy, ‘Ah ’a’en’t gitten nowt o’ that soart; Ah deean’t knaw what t’ stuff is ya’re assing for.’ ‘It is just useless my trying to buy anything in a pottering little shop like this. You keep nothing but a lot of old rubbish. You never have anything I want,’ was the young lady’s rude reply. ‘Why noo, Ah’ll tell ya what, t’ next tahm ’at Ah gan ti Ripon, Ah’ll see if Ah can’t get a box o’ good behav’o’r; you mun cum in then, an’ Ah’ll gi’e ya good weight, for ya want it mair na onnybody else. Noo deean’t forgit ti cum in,’ were the last words the young lady heard as she hurried out.
His Honour Judge —- for some little time had a house in a Cleveland village, and whilst there he did a bit of ’hoss swapping’ with one of the farmers. Unfortunately his Honour’s horse did not turn out well. Meeting the farmer one day, he said, ‘Robert, you took me in with that horse, it has turned out very badly.’ ‘Hez ’t, noo? Whya, that’s a bad job; bud you maun’t gan blethering aboot ’at Ah’ve ta’en ya in, or else fau’k’ll get it i’ ther heeads ’at ya’re nobbut a varra poor judge.’
Quite likely enough, if you get into conversation with the old people, they will give you their opinion upon most things, and that too very often without your asking for it. There will be no beating about the bush, no attempt to smooth away rough corners; the Yorkshireman detests putty and varnish. What he has to say, like his hitting, comes straight from the shoulder.
The hounds were in full cry. A lady and gentleman on approaching a closed gate against which a farmer’s man was leaning, the gentleman called out, ‘Hi there! open the gate, look sharp!’ but the man stood stolidly looking at the hounds. ‘Why don’t you open the gate, you fool?’ shouted the horseman angrily. Turning slowly round, the yokel said very quietly, ‘Ah deean’t call ti mahnd ’at ivver Ah ’ed a God’s-penny fra you. If ya’ll nobbut stan’ back Ah’ve na doot t’ lady’ll show ya t’ road ower. Ah can see ’at ya’re a bit caff-hearted.’ Springing to the ground the horseman found the gate was locked. ‘Why, it’s locked,’ said he, turning to the lady. ‘Ah c’u’d ’a’e tell’d ya that lang sin,’ said the yokel. ‘Well, I think you might have done so,’ said the lady, kindly. ‘We have lost a lot of time.’ ‘If you’d cum’d byv yersen, miss, Ah’d ’a’e brokken t’ gate doon for ya. Bud yah feeal losses his wits when he’s called yan byv another,’ was the compliment and retort all in one.
On another occasion, the horseman forgetting to pay the usual toll, the gate-opener greatly amused every one by saying, as he touched his cap, ‘Noo, mebbe ya ’evn’t gitten neea small chaange on ya, bud Ah’ll tell ya hoo wa can mannish ’t: Ah’ve gitten nahnpence, if you’ve a bob?’
A good story is told by a Cleveland vicar. The day on which he arrived in his new parish he had to transact some little matter with the sexton. On inquiry he was informed this worthy was to be found in the far pasture. Thither he went, finding the old man busy mowing. ‘Well, my man!’ began the vicar. ‘Noo then,’ said Old Willie, going on with his mowing. ‘I wish to have a word or two with you,’ said the vicar, not very pleased with his off-hand reception. He was not Yorkshire, and didn’t understand their ways then.
‘All reet, gan on wi’ tha.’ This without stopping the swing of his scythe.
‘I think you don’t know who I am. I am your new vicar.’ Doubtless at the time the vicar imagined the effect of this startling announcement would be such that Old Willie’s scythe would fall from his hands, and most abject apologies be poured forth. But no, Willie just remarked, ‘Oh, are ya? Whya, ya maun’t stan theer; ya’ll ’a’e ti shift yersen, or Ah s’all mow yer legs off t’ next swathe Ah tak.’ And the vicar moved.