St. Patrick's Day; Or, The Scheming Lieutenant: A Farce in One Act

by Richard Brinsley Sheridan

SOLDIER.
Mark, serjeant!

Enter two COUNTRYMEN.

SERJEANT TROUNCE.
Oh! these are the lads I was looking for; they have the look of gentlemen.—An’t you single, my lads?

FIRST COUNTRYMAN.
Yes, an please you, I be quite single: my relations be all dead, thank heavens, more or less. I have but one poor mother left in the world, and she’s an helpless woman.

SERJEANT TROUNCE.
Indeed! a very extraordinary case—quite your own master then—the fitter to serve his Majesty.—Can you read?

FIRST COUNTRYMAN.
Noa, I was always too lively to take to learning; but John here is main clever at it.

SERJEANT TROUNCE.
So, what you’re a scholar, friend?

SECOND COUNTRYMAN.
I was born so, measter. Feyther kept grammar-school.

SERJEANT TROUNCE.
Lucky man—in a campaign or two put yourself down chaplain to the regiment. And I warrant you have read of warriors and heroes?

SECOND COUNTRYMAN.
Yes, that I have: I have read of Jack the Giant Killer, and the Dragon of Wantly, and the—Noa, I believe that’s all in the hero way, except once about a comet.