Up mighty betimes, and after a four Miles' Walk, losing Weight like a Jockey, to the Palace Yard of St. James's Palace, to see the Soldiers mount Guard to guard the Queen, which they do every Morning whether she is there or no, and is a pretty pompous Ceremony. Found myself among as dirty shabby a Set of Fellows hanging about as I think I ever saw, with whom two or three with the Look of Gentlemen, and a pretty Sprinkling of Milliner-Girls and Nurse-Maids. Strange how all Women almost do run after Soldiers; which Mr. Pumpkyns do say is because Weakness do, by Instinct, seek the Protection of Courage; but I think is owing to nothing at all but the Bravery of a Red Coat. In a few Minutes more Riff-Raff pouring in; then a Noise without of drumming: and then just at 1/4 to 11, a Party of the Grenadier Guards marching in under the Clock-Tower, the Drums and Fifes in Front of them, and, at the Head of all, the Drum Major, twirling his Staff, strutted like a Pouter-Pigeon, as stately, almost, as ever I saw J. Bland. The Men at the Word of Command ground arms with a Clang, and stood at Ease in Lines, and together with the Spectators made a Square, with the Drums and Fifes at one End, and the Band at the other by the Clock-Tower, and a Post in the Middle, and around the Post, with the Colours, the Officers in full Figg, mighty trim; and Mr. Wagstaffe do tell me that the Guards have brave clothing Colonels. The Band did play while the Men that should relieve Guard were marching off; and I do muse why Soldiers are provided with so much Musique, and conclude it is to hinder them from thinking, and also in Battle to inflame their Minds without making them drunk. At five Minutes to the Hour comes the relieved Guard, and draws up ready to be marched away, and to see them backing for Room on the Crowd's Toes! Droll, also, to watch the Marshalman, in his grand Uniform and with his Staff of Office, going about to make Space and keep Order among the ragged Boys; and I remember how, in my Youth, I thought he was a General Officer. More Musique, in the Meanwhile, by the Band; the Band-Master, a rare plump Fellow, in goodly Condition, conducting, with a Clarionet for his Batoon. Suddenly the Musique cut short by the Drums and Fifes, the Word given, and the Men did fall in, and away to Barracks, a Grand March playing, and all the Tag-Rag at their Heels. But to see the Lieutenant, the Officer of the Day, set up the Colours on the Post, and touch his Cap and kiss his Sword to them, saluting them, which do seem a senseless Pantomime. Besides, the Flag, a most old and sorry one, blown into Tatters, which, in our long Peace, must have been done by the Breeze and not the Battle; but so left, with a Grenadier to guard it, sticking in the Post. Then the Officer did dismiss the Off Guard, and away to his Quarters for the Day. Methinks that mounting Guard at the Palace is a Service of little Danger or Hardship; but, good Lack! to think what Fire-eaters in Battle are the Dandy Officers of the Guards, and how their Men will follow them through thick and thin, and what Work those Fellows can do when called on, that play Soldiers about St. James's!
A PROSPECT OF A FASHYONABLE HABERDASHER HYS SHOPE.
Tuesday, August 7, 1849.
Finding Fault with my Wife, for that she do not use enough Exercise; whence her continual Headach, and Faddell, the 'Potticary his bill of £5. She replying that I would never take her out, I said I would, whenever she liked; whereupon, we agreed to go a Walk forthwith, and my Wife did propose Regent Street. So we thither, pleasing ourselves with observing the Passers-by and the Carriages, and the Streets blazing with fine Ladies and flaming Liveries. Going by Lindsey and Woolsey's, my Wife's Eye taken with a Scarf in the Window, and would stop to look at it with a Crowd of other Women gazing at the Finery, which Mr. Skitt do call Baits, and a Draper's Shop a Lady-Trap. Presently she recollected that she wanted a Collar; so we into the Shop, where some sixty or eighty Ladies sitting before the Counters, examining the Wares, busy as Blue-Bottle Flies at a Sugar-Cask. Behind the Counters the Shopmen and Assistants, showing off the Goods, and themselves also, with mighty dainty Airs, every one of them, almost, Narcissus his Image. One of these dapper young Sirs did help my Wife to her Collar, cost 3s. 6d.; when she thought she had better get another while about it, cost 3s. 6d. more. Then, says he, in his soft condoling Voice, "What is the next Article?" Hereupon, my Wife bethought her of lacking some Lace Cuffs, four Pair: cost 12s. "And now, Mem," says the young Fellow with a Simper, "allow me to show you a Love of a Robe, a Barège, Double Glacé, brocaded in the Flouncings, and reduced to Twenty-One-and-Six from Forty-Five." But she professed that she needed it not: whereat I was glad; when he did tell her he would do it at One-and-Four less: and she then saying that it was indeed a Bargain, which I find is a Woman's Word for anything cheap whether wanted or no, I let her have it: cost £1, 0s. 2d. But, to be sure, the Pattern was pretty, and my Wife being well-dressed do please my Taste, and also increase my Consequence and Dignity. The Robe bought, it comes into her Head that she could not do without a new Shawl to match it, blue and scarlet, cost £2, 2s., but will look mighty fine, and, I hope, last. Here I thought to hale her at once by Force away; but seeing a stout middle-aged Gentleman doing the very Thing, and how mean it looked, did forbear; and in the Meanwhile the Shopman did beg, as he said, to tempt her with a superior Assortment of Ribbons. She rummaging over this Frippery, I to gaze about the Shop, and with Fellow-Feeling did mark an unhappy small Boy, while his Mother was comparing some three-score different Pieces of Satin, perched on a Stool, out of Patience. My Wife would have 5s. worth of Ribbons, and here I hoped would make an End; but the Shopman did exhibit to her some Silk Stockings; and I telling her they were unnecessary, she declared that then she must wear Boots, which she knows I hate; and concluded with buying half a Dozen Pair, cost 24s.; and we away, bowed out of the Shop with Congees by the smirking Shopwalker, rubbing his Hands and grinning, as obsequious as could be; and so Home; I mighty serious, having laid out £5, 10s. 2d.; and the next Time I take out my Wife for a Walk, it shall be in the Fields and not in Regent Street.
