“What do you find?” I repeated. “Mark the O’Rapley’s knowledge of human nature, you not only find Waterloos won in the Cricket-field of Eton, but Bishopricks and Secretaryships and many other glorious victories; so that you might—”
“Don’t be foolish; Trafalgar was not won in the Cricket-field.”
“No, but it was fought on the Isis or the Cam, I forget which. But carry the O’Rapley’s theory into daily life, and test it by common observation, what do you find? Why, that this round square is by no means a modern invention. It has been worked in all periods of our history. Here is a Vicar with a rich benefice, intended by nature for a Jockey or a Whipper-in—”
“What, the benefice?”
“No, the Vicar! Here is a barrister who ought to have been a curate, and become enthusiastic over worked slippers: there is another thrust into a Government appointment, not out of respect to him, the Minister doesn’t know him, but to serve a political friend, or to place an investment in the hands of a political rival, who will return it with interest on a future day. The gentleman thus provided for at the country’s expense would, if left to himself, have probably become an excellent billiard-marker or pigeon-shooter. Here is another,
who, although a member of Parliament, was elected by no constituency under Heaven or above it; and it is clear he was intended by Nature for a position where obsequiousness and servility meet with their appropriate reward. Another fills the post of some awful Commissioner of something, drawing an immense salary, and doing an immense amount of mischief for it, intended naturally for a secretary to an Autocratic Nobleman, who would trample the rights of the people under foot. Here is another—”
“O pray, my dear, do not let us have another—”
“Only one more,” said I; “here is another, thrust into the Cabinet for being so disagreeable a fellow, who ought to have been engaged in making fireworks for Crystal Palace fêtes.”
“But this is only an opinion of yours; how do you know these gentlemen are not fitted for the posts they occupy? surely if they do the work—”
“The public would have no right to grumble.”