“Well, since they did away with crim. cons, there’s nothing left for females but murders and divorces, worth speaking of.”
“Why, how’s that, then?”
“O, they’re not considered sufficiently moral, that’s all. You see, Master Bumpkin, we’re getting to be a very moral and good people. They’re doin’ away with all that’s naughty, such as music and dancing, peep-shows and country fairs. This is a religious age. No pictur galleries on a Sunday, but as many public-houses as you like; it’s wicked to look at picturs on a Sunday. And now I’ll tell you another thing, Master Bumpkin, although p’r’aps I ought to keep my mouth closed; but ’ere you’ll see a Chancery Judge as knows everything about land and titles to property, and all that, and never had any training in Criminal Courts, and may be never been inside of one before, you’ll see ’im down ’ere tryin’ burglaries and robberies, and down at the Assizes you’ll see ’im tryin’ men and women for stealing mutton pies and a couple of ounces of bacon; that’s the way the Round Square’s worked, Master Bumpkin; and very well it acts. There’s a moral atmosphere, too, about the Courts which is very curious. It seems to make every crime look bigger than it really is. But as I say, where’s the human natur of a Chancery barrister? How can you get it in Chancery? They only sees human natur in a haffidavit, and although I don’t say you can’t
put a lot of it into a haffidavit, such as perjury and such like, yet it’s so done up by the skill of the profession that you can hardly see it. Learning from haffidavits isn’t like learning from the witness-box, mark my words, Mr. Bumpkin; and so you’ll find when you come to hear a case or two.”
Having thus eloquently delivered himself, Mr. O’Rapley paused to see its effect: but there was no answer. There was no doubt the Don could talk a-bit, and took especial pride in expressing his views on law reform, which, to his idea, would best be effected by returning to the “old style.”
And I saw that they pushed their way through a crowd of people of all sorts and degrees of unwashedness and crime, and proceeded up a winding stair, through other crowds of the most evil-looking indictable persons you could meet with out of the Bottomless Pit.
And amongst them were pushing, with eager, hungry, dirty faces, men who called themselves clerks, evil-disposed persons who traded under such names as their owners could use no longer on their own account. These prowlers amongst thieves, under the protection of the Law, were permitted to extort what they could from the friends of miserable prisoners under pretence of engaging counsel to defend them. Counsel they would engage after a fashion—sometimes: but not unfrequently they cheated counsel, client and the law at the same time, which is rather better than killing two birds with one stone.
And the two friends, after threading their way through the obnoxious crowd, came to the principal Court of the Old Bailey, called the “Old Court,” and a very evil-looking
place it was. All the ghosts of past criminals seemed floating in the dingy atmosphere. Crowds of men, women and children were heaped together in all directions, except on the bench and in a kind of pew which was reserved for such ladies as desired to witness the last degradation of human nature.
Presently came in, announced with a loud cry of “Silence!” and “Be uncovered in Court!” a gorgeous array of stout and berobed gentlemen, with massive chains and purple faces. These, I learned, were the noble Aldermen of the Corporation. What a contrast to the meagre wretches who composed the crowd! Here was a picture of what well-fed honesty and virtue could accomplish for human nature on the one part, as opposed to what hungry crime could effect, on the other. Blessings, say I, on good victuals! It is a great promoter of innocence. And I thought how many of the poor, half-starved, cadaverous wretches who crowded into the dock in all their emaciated wretchedness and rags would, under other conditions, have become as portly and rubicund and as moral as the row of worthy aldermen who sat looking at them with contempt from their exalted position.