CHAP. XXVIII.
The Drugster in relating his Life, discovers several Cheats which he performed under the Cloak of Religion; as also how he cheated his Masters Sister of her Maiden-head and Estate; and several Cheats in Smuckling.
Though the whole course of my Life, from my Infancy to this time, hath been a continued piece of Knavery, I having been of many Trades, and most Factions in Religion, in which I have always been a very great stickler: yet I shall not give you any account of my minority, omitting all my actions till I came to about twenty years of age, when I had gained some experience in the world, and had learned how to play my Cards to the best advantage.
I served an Apprentiship with a Master, whose whole Family, consisting of himself, Wife, Sister, and four Servants, was an absolute Compendium of most Religious Factions then practised in England: He himself was a strict rigid Presbyterian; his Wife, a Ranter; his Sister, an Anabaptist; three of the Servants Independants, but of several Churches and Perswasions; and I, though an Independant, being of all Religions, yet was of none at all, that gave them all the hearing; and with my Master was a Presbyterian, and would ordinarily accompany him in his long-winded prayers, which being filled with tautologies and nonsence, he esteemed, and often used, believing himself to be assisted with a Divine Spirit. Many absurdities he committed in his Devotion, as praying for the Reformation of his Family, and pointing out a time when he should or would have a return of his Prayers, at which time he would charge Providence with the fault; he having strictly observed all the Commandments, in Fasting, Praying, relieving the Brethren, and performing all other Duties which Sir John his Ghostly father had imposed on him. He would often recount the particular enormities of his Wife and Family, and how she lay out from him three nights together in a week, and where she was; and would earnestly pray for, either her conversion or confusion. Many other impertinencies would he commit, which would be too tedious to me to recount: but in general, I found his zeal to be a weakness in his brain, and he was continually led about as Sir John Presbyter directed.
My Mistress was likewise led about by those of her Gang, which were absolute Libertines, affording themselves all manner of pleasure, and denying themselves the injoyment of nothing they could purchase; and she would pretend Religion in all her frollicks: for she would say, That no sin was imputed to the Saints; and indeed it was no sin, unless she her self thought it so. That she, or any other Sister, might lie with another Brother, was accounted a general maxime amongst them, especially if they chose their time when their Husbands are asleep, which they termed to be dead, and therefore might then do it without breach of any Commandment. She would be very costly both in her Apparel and diets alleadging, that it was not fit, that the Body which was a sacred Temple, should be coursly either clothed or fed. I had a great mind to have been of her Religion, because there was so much freedom and enjoyments therein; but my Master kept me in a little too strictly; and my Mistress keeping company with the High-boys, slighted the tender of my service. Thus having failed in this attempt, I made my way to my Mistresses Sister, who was an Anabaptist; she I often waited on by my Mistresses commands, and at length was admitted to be one of the Brethren in the Conventicle, whereof she was a Sister; I professed a great deal of zeal for that way, and my Master often instructed me in Scripture, I soon from a proficient became a Preacher, and was of great eminency amongst them.
Thus did I spend my time till my Apprenticeship was out, and I was a freeman; and then did I begin to look about me, to see what I might get for my self: for I had never undertaken this course of Teaching, but in hopes to gain my Mistresses Sister; and she still put me off till I was out of my time, pleading tenderness of Conscience would not permit her to give me any enjoyment of her before Marriage, and that could not lawfully be done, till my time was out; which being come, I freshly courted her, and she gave me the hearing, but still put me off desiring me first to settle my self in the World. I now believing that she intended to delude me was resolved to play the same hand at Cards with her; and perswading her that I still gained somewhat of an Estate by my dealings in the World, I spent some moneys on her, and taking my opportunity gained my ends upon her; for pretending that I had lately made a bargain, whereby I should get 100l. if I had fifty pound ready money more then my own, which was likewise fifty pound; She having moneys by her, willingly consented to lend me fifty pound, provided that she might see the disbursing thereof. I then thinking to kill two Birds with one stone, readily consented; and heartily thanking her, desired her to provide her self to go with me next Tide to Gravesend, where I was to lay out the moneys: she did accordingly, and carrying fifty pound with her, I having raised such another sum, we took boat and made for Gravesend, where when we arrived, I left her to rest herself at an Inn, and went on board a Ship that was newly come from the Indies, and bought as much Indigo as came to 150l. I had it a very good penny worth, but not so good as to perswade her that I should gain 100l. by it, which I had promised: wherefore that I might make out the matter to be plain to her, I engaged the Seaman I had dealt withal to secrecy, and made this bargain, that I would pay him 100l. down, and pay the rest in two moneths, telling him that I was a great dealer. He believing me without much difficulty, not only consented to this, but also to say, that he had but 100 l. for all the Commodity; we having thus agreed, went to my Sweet-hearts Chamber, and there concluded our bargain before her; who having some skil in the price of that Commodity, did believe the bargain to be as profitable as I alledged to her, and freely laid down her money, which together with my fifty pound was paid to the Seaman, and the goods delivered into a Lighter to be carried to London, and delivered according to order.
This affair being dispatch’d, I was resolved to drive the nayl home a little further, and as I had got the money, so to get the maid; wherefore I pretending expedition, told her, it would be most convenient for us to ride home: she wholly confiding in me, consented thereto, and a horse was procured to carry us double; mounted we were, and so advanced on our journy; but pretending some business, I made an halt at the next Town home wards, where I did my Horse the unkindness to prick him in the foot, that he might halt, and not be able to carry us through that night; this being done, we again mounted, and I fell to thanking my Mistress for this great favour, not only in assisting me with her purse, but accommodating me with her Company; and now, said I, I hope you will no longer delay me the enjoyment of yourself, and the rest of your Estate. Truly, said she, this days action hath resolved me of all doubts, and now I have so good opinion of you, that I shall no longer delay our marriage, then shall stand with your conveniency. To this I returned answer full of love and kindness. Our horse by this time felt the effects of my work, for he halted so much, that we could only go a foot pace, and with much difficulty came to the next Town, where we were forced to alight; and it now growing late, and impossible to get to London that night, we resolved to take up our quarters for the present.
I having placed my Mistress in a Private Chamber, went into the Stable, and soon removed the obstruction that hindred our horse from going, so that by the next morning he was well enough able to travel, I left him to the care of the Hostler, and went up to my Mistress, who expected me to supper, which I had ordered to be provided for us, and that being ready, I invited our Landlady to be a guest: though our Commons were but short, being only one Chicken, yet I made a long Grace, which according to our custome, might amount to a prayer; and I remember that among other matters, I prayed that our horse might be so well recovered, as that he might be able to carry us next day to London: our Landlady soon understanding what kind of Guests she had, believing that she should get little by our Company, was desirous of leaving it, which she did, by pretending business, and so we had the whole Chicken left us for our own eating, we hardly made or left any bones of it, so hungry we were. Supper being ended, we went to the fire, and I designing my business, call’d for a Quart of Claret, which we burn’d, sweetned, and drank off; and by this time my Mistress was so sweet upon me, that we talked very familiarly and pleasantly, and oftentimes I interlaced our Discourses with kisses and amorous sighs, to which I was welcomed, and many times invited; I then called for another Quart of Wine, which we likewise drank off; and then I found my Mistress was very full of the Creature, so that she drew neer to the bed, and at length cast her self thereon; I was not long after her, but lay down likewise, and first beginning with embraces and kisses, in a little time I gained possession of all my endeavors she lying as fast asleep all the while; but when I had done, and was again laid by her, she started up, and seemed to be very angry with me; but I supposing that it was because I had so soon done, catched hold of her, and attempted to be at her again; but in vain did I endeavour it, for she then began to be angry, reproaching me with dishonesty, and using many canting terms, which I omit: I told her, what was done could not be undone, and therefore comforted her, and told her all should be well by our sudden Marriage: thus did I appease her, and we soon agreed upon every thing; so that though I was appointed another Chamber, which I pretended to lodge in, yet I lay all night with her. The next morning we arose betime; and mounting our horse, who was now well enough, we soon arrived at London, where for the present we parted. I having thus gained my ends of this woman, having part of her Estate in my possession, and by the enjoyment of her person having the command of the rest, was resolved only to abuse her; strip her of what she had, and so leave her: for I found no such sweetness in my nights lodging with her, but what I might expect from another; having before that tasted woman in the enjoyment of two or three of our Sisters, which passages I omit, and tell this to acquaint you how this woman undid herself by her Covetousness, for had she not distrusted me with her money, I should have married her, but now my minde was otherwise bent.