The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: The Second Part

by Richard Head; Francis Kirkman

I continued for some time in the Inne where the Coachman set me down, and the rest of his Passengers; but knowing it would be impossible for me to continue long there, I gained acquaintance with the Maid of the house, and told my tale to her as well as I thought convenient. She understanding that I was willing to serve, and wanted a place; and I acquainting her with my abilities, as that I could sew, wash, and starch, and do most necessary things required of a servant, She soon procured me a Place in a house that entertained many Lodgers. I spent a quarter of a years time very privately and honestly in this service; but then our house being full of Lodgers, one of them cast a wanton eye on me, and being well pleased with my face, began to court me very familiarly; although at first I opposed him, and gave him nothing but slights and denials, yet he so managed his business by Presents which he gave me, and making use of all other opportunities that he gained his will of me, and I again entred the Lists in a loving Combate. He took many opportunities for enjoyment, not only in the day time, but sometimes we spent whole nights in our amorous sports; and though my Mr. and Mrs. did not discover any thing of the matter, yet another Gentleman, who was also a Lodger, and lay in the next Chamber to my friends, watching me, found out my haunt; and therefore he (being as amorous as the other) was desirous of sport, became a Suiter to me upon the same account. I absolutely denied him, for I thought it was enough to have to do with one man, and was resolved to venture my self no further; but he taking the opportunity of the others absence, first treated me with Wine, then presented me with a Ring; but all this would not do, till he in plain terms told me, that he knew very well I was not so hard-hearted to every one; for were Mr. such a one, naming my friend, there, I would not deny him the curtesie: I at first made strange of this story, and deny’d it, but he falling into plain terms with me, and telling me that he had watched me such a night, when I lay with him, I could not then deny it, neither did I long deny or refuse him what he desired; so that he likewise took his pleasure with me; and having obtained his desire at that time, he made bold with me so often as he listed, when the other was out of the way.

I had now two Bedfellows, so that I could seldom lie alone, one of them would still bespeak me; but the first of them did not know of the 2d. though he knew very well of the other: Though I had sport enough with these two, yet it was not long ere a third man likewise put in for a share with them, and that was my Masters brother; he was a very pretty young man, and one whom I could well enough love for a Husband; but he looked a little higher than to marry a Servant-maid: but as a Mistress he courted me. Many attempts he made in vain; but time that bringeth every thing to pass, made me flexible, and I likewise gave him possession of the thing he desired: he took much pleasure in my company, and very respectful to me, often presenting me with Linnen and Laces, and sometimes a Crown or an Angel came from his Pocket, as well as from the other two, who well fed me with mony, which I still pocketed up: but as I got mony, so again I got somewhat else, a great Belly, and which was the worst of my three friends, I knew not which was the Father; but if I am not mistaken, I believe it was my Masters Brother.

But I was resolved the other two should help to Father it, or else pay for it; and therefore I soon told them all three, as they had occasion to deal with me, in what condition I was. My first and oldest friend was most troubled at it, being as he thought the most concerned, because he knew not of any else that had to do with me; he was somewhat startled at it, lest, as he said, his wife should come to know it; for, he was a married man: and although his wife sometimes came to Town, and would lie with him; yet he would sometimes before he went to bed to her, take his opportunity to have his pleasure with me; He, I say was troubled at the news: but that did not hinder us, in our purposed nights lodging, only in the intervals we considered what course to take; at length it was resolved, that he would provide for me, the time of my lying Inn, and afterwards for the child; and in earnest of the charge, he soon gave me 20l. to provide me with necessaryes. I having now done with my first customer, was resolved to get something out of my 2d: but he still gave me the hearing, presuming on his knowledge of my having to do with the first; yet, he would not on this occasion, advance any thing, intending to shirk off, because no body knew what trade we did drive together.

I perceiving his intention; was resolved to be even with him, and it may be out-wit him; and that he might not distrust me, I seemed no ways dissatisfied, but gave him as much freedom with me, as ever; but to carry on my design, I thought good to break the business to my Masters Brother; wherefore, I likewise acquainted him with my condition, and told him in plain terms, that I was with child by him; He could not deny the fact, nor make any excuse; not knowing of my dealings with the other two; But he was likewise very much surprized; But I doubting, he might put me off; I took the opportunity of telling him this news, when we were in bed together, knowing there I should have time, and conveniency to discourse it.

He knew not what to say, and indeed was very cold with me; and I was forced to help him out, for he was then a Suiter to a young Gentlewoman, and was fearful that this business would hinder his fortunes; and though he loved me well enough, yet he was unwilling to marry me: for that would prove so disadvantagious to him: he supposing that nothing but marriage would content me, was much troubled, and could not tell what answer to give me: wherefore I was forced to break silence, and told him, that as I loved him, so I would shew him sufficient proofs of it; for I would not that my love should ruine him, as I knew it would, if the world should know what had passed between us; and though nothing could satisfie me but marriage; yet I could be content to wave that, and propose somewhat else of satisfaction; nay then, said he, if you will be so kind to me, propose your own terms, and take them; I hearing him thus generous, it was not long ere we concluded upon terms; which were these, that he would give me 20l. down to bear my charges in the time of my Lying-in, and if the child lived, he would give 50l. more to any person whom I would appoint to take the child, and provide for it; these terms I was well enough satisfied with, only I considering that he would hear of my lying with the other, because I intended to discover that to him, and have his assistance therein, and then I doubted he would suspect me, and it may be refuse to pay the 50l. when due; therefore I was resolved to have him seal a Bond to me, for payment of it: and I urged him to do it out of this consideration, that he was to be married: and though he now loved me well-enough, yet when he had a Wife, he would happily slight and forget me, and so refuse or neglect to pay it. He was content to hear my arguments: and though alwayes protesting a continuance of his love to me, notwithstanding all the Wives in the World; yet he consented to give me Bond according to my desire.

Thus every thing being agreed on, we again renewed our pleasures, and spent that night, as we had done many before. But morning being come, I arose, and so managed my affairs, that I that day had a Bond Sealed to me for payment of 50l. to be paid in 6 months; I also within few dayes received of him the 20l. he had promised me.

Thus did I order my matters with my first and last Customers, and I gave them their wonted satisfaction of Lying with me so often as they pleased; and so I did to the other my middle Customer; but do what I could, I could not bring him to any considerable Composition; and though he were the best able, yet he offered me the least, and intended to come off with a trifle; however I gave him his wonted freedom with me, but purposed ere long to be even with him, as I was.

For one night being in bed with my Masters Brother; I having very well pleased him, he talked of his little Hans in Kelder, the Boy in my belly, wishing very well to it, not in the least doubting but it was of his own begetting, and using many words to that purpose: well Sir, said I, it is very true, it is yours, but if I would have been as free with others, as I have been with you, it might have had more, if not another Father; and thereupon I proceeded, and told him how that I had been often importuned by Mr. such a one, his Brothers Lodger, and my 2d. Bedfellow. Well replyed he, I am the more beholding to you, that you have accepted of me rather than him; but though I am not at all dis-satisfied in what I have done, I wish he had been the Father, for your sake as well as mine, for you may compel him to marriage, or else get a considerable sum of money from him. As for marriage, said I, I doubt I should hardly draw him to it, but some monies I might get of him, and would yet, if you will but consent to it, and assist me therein. To this he answered, that in any thing I should desire, he would not be wanting, and therefore he bid me propound the way, and he would not fail in his assistance: I then told him, that I knew but one way to do it, and in that I must play the disloyal wag with him, to do that which I had no mind: for that matter, said he, you shall have my consent, and I think I guess at your meaning, which is, that you must agree to let him ly with you; wherefore since it will be so advantagious to you, let him do it; for I am sure he can do me no great wrong, for notwithstanding what he can do, the Child will be all mine, of my own getting.

He being so free to it, and agreeing to all things according to my desire, we resolved that I should permit my second Sweetheart to ly with me; but I should so order the matter, that he should take us in the manner, and then we would agree to act the rest very well. I now having laid my plot very well, and orderly, I appointed my time when I would ly with him and agreed to leave the Chamber door open, that he, rising early the next morning, might (pretending some business) enter the Chamber, and find us in Bed together. Our plot being thus laid, and my 2d. Sweetheart desiring it, I promised to come to bed to him about midnight, which I did; but my Masters brother knowing of my design, was resolved to have the first carving of me, and that he should only have a butter’d Bun; and therefore caused me to ly with him all the former part of the night; but midnight being past, he permitted me to proceed in my adventure. I was expected by my Bedfellow, and accordingly entertained; but I minding the design I was about, awaked early in the morning, and so ordered the matter, that my Bedfellow likewise threw off his drowsiness to encounter with me in our nocturnal pastime, which when he had done, I began to discourse him, reasoning the cause with him, and desiring him to resolve me what he would do for me in that condition I was, and what provision he would make for me. He gave me indifferent answers, and I grew passionate with him, and on a sudden the Chamber door opened, and my Masters Brother entred the room. I seeing this, left off speaking and crouded my self close down into the bed, as if pretending to hide my self; but he coming boldly on, bid my Bedfellow Good morrow, and asking him a question, came nearer the Bed side, and drawing the Curtains, said, what have you a Bedfellow? No said he, not I; surely said the other you have, for I am mistaken if I did not hear some other tongue than yours; the other deny’d it, but he knowing well enough what he had to do, soon found out where my Petticoats lay: How, said he, surely you have a Bedfellow, and that a female one; the other being thus surprized, knew not what to say: Wherefore my Mr. Brother proceeding, said, surely I should know these Coats, for, if I am not mistaken, they are our Maid Dorothys. I finding my self discovered, now appeared, and in the first place beg’d his pardon, and that he would not acquaint my Mr. and Mrs. with it. He seeming very angry soundly rated me and my Bedfellow, and said he, this is not the first time that you two have lain together, for I have long suspected you, and have watched you. Truly Sir, said I, it is true this Gentleman hath long known me, but I pray you make no more words of it at present, and for modesties sake leave the Chamber, and I will anon satisfie you further in every particular. My Bedfellow likewise requesting the same, he very civilly left us, shutting the Chamber door after him. My Bedfellow was much surprized at this sudden accident, and I seemed to be so; and quickly getting my cloaths, arose and left him, retiring into my own Chamber, leaving him to consider it.

I having now done my business, by having a witness of my lying with him, was bold with him, to know what I should do in the case; for said I, my Masters Brother will certainly acquaint my Mr. and Mrs. with our actions, and then I must leave the house, and whither to go, I know not, nor who will entertain me. He argued that the other, my first Sweetheart, must provide for me; to this I told him, that I believed, that he would do somewhat for me, but he had a Wife, and could not do what he listed, whereas he on the contrary was a single man, and rich enough; and he still endeavouring to put me off, and lay all upon the first; I in plain terms told him, that if he continued to say so, I would wholly deny my dealings with the other, and though he should avouch it, yet he would not be believed, he being himself a party guilty, as could be proved by my Masters Brother; and therefore it would be judged by all, that he, and he alone, was the Father of the Child, and would be forced to marry me, or at least provide for me and the Child. I having told him my resolution, left him to consider of it, and then my Masters Brother came to him, and he and I together so ordered the matter, that he gave me 20l. down, and gave me bond to pay 50l. more at the Birth of the Child. This, said Mrs. Dorothy, was the first of my adventures.