For there Wit, Work, or Law doth set men free,
Nothing but Money here gets liberty.
Having lain here above a week, I sent away a Letter to my Brethren, informing them of my misfortune, and acquainting them with the sum I was imprisoned for; which was sent me by them, and brought by one of our trusty Knights: paying my Debts and Fees, I returned again to them.
CHAP. LII.
He returns to his Brethren the Knights of the Road, whom he finds with two or three Gentlemen, strangers; he cheats one of them of a very fair and rich Watch.
My Companions took little notice of me at my return, which made me think there was some design in hand; but according to their usual course, fell to drink high: observing two or three faces, I tipt a wink to one of my Brethren, being in another room; I asked him, who they were; he replied, Gentlemen that were travelling into the North; to which he added, We have been pumping them (ever since we did thrust our selves into their company) to know what store of Cash they had about them; but we find little more then will defray their necessary expences on the Road; only, said he, there is one of them hath a very rich Watch: I bid him return to his place, and I would warrant him to have it before he stirred. I came in again to the company, not taking the least cognizance of any, but shewed much respect and civility to them all, as a stranger; I purposely askt what it was a clock: one of the Gentlemen, and of my friends both, pulled forth their Watches, striving who should first give me satisfaction to my question; after this, they viewed interchangeably the workmanship of one & the other, both praising the seeming goodness of each others Watch. At last my friend makes a proposition; Come, Sir, if you please we will make an exchange upon sentence and repentance. The stranger desired to understand his meaning: Why, Sir, said he, we will commit them both into the hands of any one indifferent person, and what difference he shall judge there is between them, shall be given in money by him whose Watch is least worth. It was concluded upon; but they could not agree into whose hands to put them. At last it was mutually agreed upon between them, that I being a stranger to them both, should be the decider: I seemingly refused it, but they would not hear me alledge any arguments to the contrary; whereupon I went out, and immediately causing my horse to be brought forth, without the least delay I mounted, and away I rid. My Comrades knew where to meet me at the next stage. The next morning they found me out, telling me how they all stormed to be so cheated, to avoid suspition: and now did they all embrace me, promising to themselves great hopes in me from this adventure.
CHAP. LIII.
He puts a notable Trick upon a Physician.
Near adjacent to our general randezvous, I was informed of the habitation of a wealthy Physician, who had shewed himself fortunately expert in divers Cures, where it seemed that humane art had not sufficient power to give a remedy. The fame of his great skill, and of many admirable cures, which to the shame of other Physicians, he had performed, made him so generally beloved and sought after, that in a short time he purchased by his sanatory industry, above 500 l. per annum, and seldom had less by him then a thousand pound. Thus much I casually understood from one accidentally, speaking of this his rich Neighbour: but that which pleased me most was, that (as he said) he seldom carried less then an 100 pieces of gold about him constantly, proceeding from a fancy derived from an extream love he bore that Metal. I could not sleep for contriving a way how I might disembogue this Urinal of what it contained: sometimes I way-laid him in his return; but he was so well esteemed of, that he seldom returned home without two or three Gentlemen to accompany him. At another time I thought to have pretended some distemper, and so have applied my self to him for Cure; and imagining that he would privately discourse with me about my Malady, that then I would present a Pistol to his breast, swearing, that should be his immediate and unavoidable Executioner, if he did not without the least noise or resistance, deliver such a quantity of Gold; but this way I could not approve of, it being accompanied with so much hazard. At last I thought of this stratagem, which safely produced its effect: One day after dinner I rid to his house (seemingly) in extream haste, which he might perceive not only by my own affrighted looks, but by my horse, which was all of a foam. I askt his servant, with much quickness, whether Mr. Doctor was within; yes, Sir, (said he) if you please to walk in, I shall call him to you. I waited some time (for most of that profession must take some state upon them) and then Mr. Doctor came. Sir, (said I) the report of your great experience in your happy Practice hath brought me hither, humbly imploring your assistance, and that instantly, if you have any respect to the preservation of life: the trouble I shall put you to, shall be gratefully recompensed to the utmost of my ability. The Doctor inquired of me, whom it was, and what manner of distemper the person laboured under. I readily told him, it was my Wife, who for some continuance of time, had been extreamly troubled with the flux of her Belly; the more that is applied to it by us, the more it increaseth; wherefore, our help failing, I beseech you lend us yours, and favour me so far as to ride with me to her. The seeming sincerity of my words prevailed upon him, as they would have done upon the most distrustful. This Doctor (who as I was informed, was accustomed to be induced more by gain, then fair words) gave me this desirable answer: Sir, far be it from me that I should refuse to do my endeavour to any person whatever, much less to a Gentleman of your rank and quality, in that little skill which I have in the knowledge and practice of Physick: if I can effect any thing for the good of the good Gentlewoman your Wife, I will attend you thither with a very good will, which at any time my charge requireth. Without attending any further discourse, his horse was made ready, and so we rid away together. As we rid through a small Wood, leading him the way, I turned my horse about, and clapt a Pistol to his breast, shewing him withal an empty bag: See here, Sir, (said I) my Wife, which hath a long time been troubled with a flux or vomiting, which you please, the last I think more proper; for she no sooner receives anything for her (and my) sustenance, but she immediately brings it up again at her mouth. Now Sir, if you do not find out some means to mitigate this distemper (the cure I shall never expect, as knowing it impossible) this Pistol shall send you to Æsculapius, to consult with him what is most fit to be administred: come, Sir, let me advise you, and save your self the trouble of so long a journey; your gold (an hundred pieces as I am told) are the constant attending Esquires of your body; I say, that is the best and only Recipe for a remedy. The Doctor perceiving there was no help, in much amazement and fear delivered me what gold he had about him, which was neer upon the sum exprest: there was a rich Diamond-Ring on his finger, which I desired him likewise to give me, which should serve for a perpetual memorandum of his kindness to me. I commanded him, as he tendred his life, to ride back again, without so much as once looking behinde him; and that if he offered to raise the Country, if I was sure to die that instant, I would be the death of him first. The Doctor followed my dictations so exactly, that I never heard more of him.