I fancy’d my life to be now as happy as the world could make it, having plenty of every thing, & not control’d by the foolish self-will of an obstinate woman. I confess it was at first a great regret to my spirit, to lie by a woman so contrary to my own complexion: but Custom made her become in process of time as lovely in my eye, as if she had been the compleatest European beauty. I now again considered how he must live, that intends to live well; & upon that consideration, concluded upon this resolution, Not to neglect my duty to Heaven, my Self, or Neighbors: for he that fails in any of these, falls short in making his life commendable. For our Selves, we need Order; for our Neighbor, Charity; and for the Deity, Reverence and Humility. These three duties are so concatenated, that he which liveth orderly, cannot but be acceptable to his Maker and the World. Nothing jars the Worlds harmony more, than men that break their ranks; and nothing renders Man more contemned and hated, than he whose actions onely tend to irregularity. One turbulent spirit will even dissentiate the calmest Kingdom: so did my past unruly and disorderly life ruine my self, as well as many families. I have seen an Orthodox Minister in his Pulpit with his congregation about him; and since revolving in my minde the comeliness of that well-ordered sight, I have thought within my self how mad he would appear, that should wildly dance out of his room. Such is man when he spurns at the Law he liveth under; and such was I, that could not be contain’d within due limits, living like the Drone on others labors; taking no pains, but onely making a humming noise in the world, till Justice seiz’d me for a wandring, idle, and hurtful vagabond, (an ignavum pecus) and so had like to thrust me out of the world, the Hive of industrious Bees.
Ill company at first misled me, and it is to be feared by my example others have been misled. For he that giveth himself leave to transgress, he must needs put others out of the way. Experience giveth us to understand, that he which first disorders himself, troubles all the company. Would every man keep his own life, what a concord in Musick would every family be! It shall be my own endeavor to do this, and my cordial advice to others to do the like.
Doubtless he that performeth his duty to Heaven, shall finde such a peace within, that shall fit him for whatsoever falls. He shall not fear himself, because he knoweth his course is order: he shall not fear the World, because he knoweth he hath done nothing that hath anger’d it: he shall not be afraid of Heaven, for he knoweth he shall there finde the favour of a servant, nay more, a Son, and be protected against the malice of Hell.
I know I shall be lookt on no otherwise than an Hypocrite; neither will the world believe my reformation real, since I have lived so notoriously and loosly. Let a man do well an hundred times, it may be he shall for a short time be remembred and applauded; whereas if he doth evilly but once, he shall be ever condemned, and never forgot. However, let me live well, and I care not though the world should flout my innocence, and call me dissembler: it is no matter if I suffer the worst of censorious reproaches, so that I get to Heaven at last: to the attaining of which, the best counsel I can give my self and others is, Bene vive, ordinabiliter tibi, sociabiliter Proximo, & humiliter Deo: Live well, orderly to thy self, sociably to thy Neighbour, and humbly to thy Maker.
Take this as wholesome advice, though from an ill liver, which hath been in part discovered in the foregoing Discourse; wherein I have endeavoured, by drawing up a List of my own evil actions, to frighten others from the commission of the like. For as there is no company so savagely bad, but a wise man may from it learn something to make himself better: so there is no Book so poorly furnished, out of which a man may not gather something for his benefit. Herein I have not minded so much words, as the matter; aiming at nothing more then how I might compleatly limn Vice in her proper ugly shape: having done that, I have done what I intended, The reformation of others by my wicked example. For Vice is of such a Toady complexion, so ill shap’d & deform’d, that she cannot chuse but teach the soul to hate; so loathsome when she is seen in her own nasty dress, that we cannot look upon her but with detestation and horrour. Vice was cunning and curiously painted when I fell into her scabbed embraces; neither could I have ever known her foulness and rottenness, had I not tried whether her (seeming) fairness and soundness were real. Believe me, she is no ways that she appears to be; therefore be not deluded by her: but let my Life be to the Reader, as a friend fal’n into a pit, that gives warning to another to avoid the danger. So admirably hath Providence disposed of the ways of man, that even the sight of Vice in others, is like a Warning-arrow shot for us to take heed. Vice usually in her greatest bravery, publisheth her self foolishly, thinking thereby to procure a Train; and then it is, that the secret working of Conscience makes her turn her weapons against herself, and strongly plead for her implacable adversary Vertue. We are frequently wrought to good by contraries; and foul acts keep Vertue from the charms of Vice. An ancient Poet writ well to this purpose, thus:
... Insuevit Pater optimus hoc me,
Ut fugerem exemplis vitiorum quæq; notando.
Quum me hortaretur parce, frugaliter, atq;
Viverem uti contentus ea, qtiod mi ipse parasset:
Nonne vides Albi ut male vivat filius? utq;