By this time my mother drew near her time, having conceiv’d me in England, but not conceiving she thus should drop me in an Irish Bog. There is no fear that England and Ireland will after my decease, contend about my Nativity, as several Countreys did about Homer; either striving to have the honour of first giving him breath. Neither shall I much thank my Native Country, for bestowing on me such principles as I and most of my Country-men drew from that very air; the place I think made me appear a Bastard in disposition to my Father. It is strange the Clymate should have more prevalency over the Nature of the Native, than the disposition of the Parent. For though Father and Mother could neither flatter, deceive, revenge, equivocate, &c. yet the Son (as the consequence hath since made it appear) can (according to the common custom of his Country-men) dissemble and sooth up his adversary with expressions extracted from Celestial Manna, taking his advantage thereby to ruine him: For to speak the truth, I could never yet love any but for some by-respect, neither could I ever be perswaded into a pacification with that man who had any way injured me, never resting satisfied till I had accomplisht a plenary revenge, which I commonly effected under the pretence of great love and kindness. Cheat all I dealt withal, though the matter were ever so inconsiderable. Lie so naturally, that a Miracle may be as soon wrought, as a Truth proceed from my mouth. And then for Equivocation, or Mental Reservations, they were ever in me innate Properties. It was alwayes my Resolution, rather to dye by the hand of a common Executioner, then want my revenge, though ever so slightly grounded. But I shall desist here to characterize my self further, reserving that for another place.
Four years after my Birth, the Rebellion began so unexspectedly, that we were forced to flee in the night, the light of our flaming Houses, Ricks of Hay, and Stacks of Corn guided us out of the Town, and our Fears soon conveyed us to the Mountains. But the Rebels, wandering too and fro, intending either to meet with their friends, (who flockt from all parts to get into a Body) or else any English, which they designed as Sacrifices to their implacable malice, or inbred antipathy to that Nation, met with my Mother, attended by two Scullogues, her menial servants, the one carrying me, the other my brother. The Fates had decreed my brothers untimely death, and therefore unavoidable, the faithful Infidel being butchered with him. The surviving servant who carried me, declared that he was a Roman Catholick, and imploring their mercy with his howling Chram a Cress, for St. Patrick a gra, procured my Mothers, his own, and my safety.
Thus was I preserv’d, but I hope not reserv’d as a subject for Divine Vengeance to work on. Had I then died, no other guilt could have rendered me culpable before Gods Tribunal, but what was derivative from Adam. But since, the concatenation of sins various links hath encompassed the whole series of my life. Now to the intent I may deter others from perpetrating the like, and receive to my self Absolution (according as it is promised) upon unfeigned Repentance, and ingenious Confession of my nefarious Facts, I shall give the Readers a Summary Relation of my Life: from my Non-age to the Meridian of my dayes, hoping that my Extravagancies and youthful Exiliences, have in that state of life, their declination and period.
CHAP. II.
A short Account of the general Insurrections of the Irish, Anno 1641.
But though the mercy of these inhumane Villains extended to the saving of our lives; yet they had so little consideration and commiseration, to expose our bodies (by stripping us) stark naked to the extremity of a cold winter night, nor so much as sparing my tender age. Thus without Shooes or Stockings, or the least Rag to cover our nakedness, with the help of our Guide, we travelled all night through Woods as obscure as that black darkness that then environed our Horizon. By break of day we were at Belfast; about entering the skirts of the Town, this honest and grateful servant, (which is much in an Irish man) being then assured of our safety, took his leave of us, and returned to the Rebels.
Here were we received with much pitty of all, and entertain’d, and cloth’d and fed, by some charitable minded Persons; to gratifie their souls for what they had done for my mothers body, and those that belong’d to her, my Father frequently preacht, which gave general satisfaction, and continued thus in instructing his hearers, till the Sark or Surplice, was adjudged by a Scotish Faction, to be the absolute Smock of the Whore of Babylon. Then was he constrain’d to flee again to Linsegarvy taking his charge with him.
Before I proceed, give me leave to digress a little in giving you a brief account of the Irish Rebellion. Not two years before it broke out, all those ancient Animosities, Grudges, and Hatred, which the Irish had ever been observed to bare unto the English, seemed to be deposited and buried in a firm Conglutination of their Affections, and National Obligations, which passed between them, for these two had lived together forty Years in peace, with such great security and comfort, that it had in a manner consolidated them into one body, knit and compacted together with all those Ligatures, of Friendship, Alliance, and Consanguinity, as might make up a constant and everlasting Union betwixt them there. Their Inter-marriages were near upon as frequent as their Gossippings and Fosterings, (relations of much dearness among the Irish) together with all Tenancies, Neighborhoods and Services interchangeably passed among them. Nay, they had made as it were a mutual Transmigration into each others manners, many English being strongly degenerated into Irish Affections and Customes, and many of the better sort of Irish studying as well the Language of the English as delighting to be Apparrel’d like them. Nay, so great an advantage did they find by the English Commerce and Cohabitation, in the profits and high improvements of their Lands, as Sir Phelim O Neal, that Rebellious Ringleader, with divers others eminent in that bloody Insurrection, had not long before turn’d off their Lands, their Irish Tenants, admitting English in their rooms; who are able to give far greater Rents, and more certainly pay the same. So as all those circumstances duly weighted & considered with the great increase of Trade, and many other evident Symptoms of a flourishing Commonwealth; it was believed even by the wisest and most experienced in the affairs of Ireland, that the Peace and Tranquility of that Kingdom was fully settled, and most likely in all humane probability to continue, especially under the Government of such a King as Charles the First, whom after-ages may admire, but never match. Such was the serenity and security of this Kingdom, as that there appeared not any where any Martial preparations, nor reliques of any kind of disorders, no nor so much as the least noise of War whisperingly carried to any ear in all this Lands.
Now whilst in this great calm, the Brittish continued in the deepest security, whilst all men sat pleasently enjoying the fruits of their own labors, sitting under their own Vines, without the least thoughts of apprehension of Tumults, Troubles, or Massacres; there brake out on October the Twenty third, in the Year of our Lord, sixteen hundred forty and one, a most desperate, dierful, and formidable Rebellion, an Universal Defection and Revolt, wherein not only the meer Native Irish, but almost all those English that profess the Name of Roman Catholicks, were totally involved.
Now since it is resolved by me to give you a particular account of the most remarkable Transactions and passages of my life, it will be also necessary to acquaint you with the beginning and first motions. Neither shall I omit to trace the Progress of this Rebellion, since therein, I shall relate summarily my suffering, and what others under went, the horrid cruelties of the Irish, and their abominable murders committed, as well without number, as without mercy, upon the English Inhabitants of both Sexes, and all Ages.