Exchanging my fine Madamship for plain Joan-ship, my equipage being suitable for service, I resolved to apply my self to a Boarding School; and the rather, having observed it to be more thronged with Beauties, than any other: My address proved as successful as I could desire, for instantly upon my motion, I was received in as a Menial of the house. But when I came to use the Tools of the Kitchin, I handled them so scurvily, it made those teething Giglers my fellow servants, even split with laughter. To add to my misfortune, those Varlets one time when we had some meat to roast, on purpose got out of the way for a while, to see how I could behave my self; and then I did spit the meat so monstrously strange, that coming into the Kitchin, they could not tell at first sight what those joynts were called at fire. My actions had proclaimed my ignorance in all Domestick Affairs, so that my Mistress could not but take notice of me; and told me, that I was altogether unfit for her service, and that she could do no less than discharge me.
Fearing that my design was now frustrated, and my fair hopes of delight annihilated, I could not contain my tears from bedewing my face. My blubber’d eyes wrought so powerfully with my Mistress, that I judged it now the fittest time in broken Accents to mollifie her anger, and still reserve my place in her service. Whereupon I told her a great many formal and plausible lies, well methodized; that I had all my life time lived in an obscure Village amongst rude and ill-bred people, and therefore knew nothing; that it was my desire to learn, not so much valuing wages as experience, and that it was for that intent I had tendred my service. The good old Gentlewoman being much pleased with my freedom, presently ordered the Maids that without their grinning and gigleting, they should shew me any thing I understood not.
By diligent observing, I gained shortly an indifferent knowledge: Though I lay with one of my fellow servants every night, yet I judged it no prudence to discover to her my Sex (though much against the hair) till I had by external kindnesses indeared her to me. I went through my business pretty handily, giving a general satisfaction, gaining daily an interest upon the loves of the young Gentlewomen.
O the fine inexpressible petulances that dayly, nay, hourly past between me and some other of them; and so crafty I was grown, that I perfectly did counterfeit a modest maiden. Sometimes we would retire three or four of us into a private corner, yet not so obscure but that we intended to be seen by some man or other we had afore discovered; and then as if affrighted by an unexpected surprize, squeak out, and then with strange haste endeavour to hide our pretended shamefacedness. Thus concurring and suiting my self to their humours, I had all the freedome I could desire.
And now I thought it high time to handle the matter for which I came about; for indeed flesh and blood could hold out no longer. One night I perceived my Bedfellow could not in the least close her eyes, continually sighing and tumbling to and fro, sometimes laying her leg over me, and at other times hugging me within her arms, as if I had been in a press. At first I thought this commotion or perturbation proceeded from Sympathy, as questionless in part it did; for I found experimentally by my self that my heart did beat as if it would have forced its passage through my breast.
I thought I could do no less than ask her what she ailed that she was thus restless. At first, sighs were her onely answers, till at last (I pressing her much) poor thing she melted into tears. As soon as her eyes had given over deluging, and that her heart would give her leave to speak; Jone (said she, for so I called my self) if thou wilt keep my secrets, I will tell thee my whole heart. Having promised to do that, whereupon she began thus to relate her story. Our Coachman for several years hath shown me more then common respect, and indeed though I have concealed that affection I ever bore him, yet I could not but now and then give him slight occasions of hope: as the moneths wherein we lived together added to our age, so did it add true life & vigour to our loves, which increased so much and fast, that I could hide mine no longer. But herein consists my misery, that our affections aim at different ends; I fain would marry him; he is onely for present enjoyment, and finding me obstinate, and not in the least yielding to his amorous sollicitations, begins to slight me, and toys with such before my face, that I know will surrender their Maiden forts upon the first Summons. Now Dear Joan, let me tell thee, I can hold out no longer, but am resolved to give him all the opportunity of privacy I can invent, upon the least motion offered, I will entertain it. I disswaded her from this rash resolution with as much reason as I could utter; inculcating the danger of being gotten with child, with all its aggravations: that having obtained his ends, his love would be converted into loathing; and he having rejected her as his object, none that knew her would choose her as an object that may make an honest wife; for who would marry a whore, but to entail the Pox on his progeny? What ever I alleadged, she valued not. Seeing the was fully bent, I thought this the critical hour to discover my self to her, Come, come (said I) I will quickly put you out of conceit with John, and cure this love that so much troubles you; and so I did, after which I enjoyned her silence; which I thought she would have done, for her own interest sake; which she did for a while. I came at length to be very much beloved in general. It was the custome almost every night for the young Gentlewomen to run skittishly up and down into one anothers Chambers; and I was so pestered with them, that they would not let me sleep. But I had an excellent Guardian in bed with me, that would not let any of them come in to us, resolving to monopolize all the sport to her self. It was good sport to observe how this Maid always followed me as my shadow, and whatever I was doing of, she would have a hand in it with me. What an endless work we made in making the beds! Our Mistress saw her work very much neglected, laying all the blame upon my Bedfellow; and indeed not without cause: for her mind was so employed about thinking on night, that she did little all day; which my Mistress perceiving, turned her away; which was no small joy to me, if for no other consideration then her extream fondness, which I knew would betray us both in the end.
After the departure of my Bedfellow, the young Ladies pittying my loneness in the night, redrest that solitude by their welcome presence. The first that came had like to have spoiled all; by her squeaking; but some of her Associates running to know what was the matter, she readily told them she thought there was a Mouse in the bed: thus satisfied, they departed; and I enjoyned her as I did the other, silence; but alas! all Injunctions on Women to keep a secret, are but as so many perswasions to divulge it. Notwithstanding I had so enjoyned her secrecy, yet she made it known to some that she entertained a peculiar respect for, intending they should participate with her in the pleasure she enjoyed. This discovery did put me to an extream hard task; I should never have undergone it, had not variety of such sweet smelling Rose-buds encouraged me.
Thus frequently each night did I repeat
My uncontrouled passions; and for heat,
And active liveliness, I thought that none