What a Trick he served a young man of his Acquaintance, whom he met withal accidentally; how he was pinched with hunger, and what wayes he invented to kill it.
I made all the speed I could to London, knowing the largeness of that Vast City would afford conveniency for my concealment. But then my cloaths much troubled me, knowing nothing would betray me sooner than they. Whilst I was studying all imaginable wayes for my preservation, such an opportunity presented it self, that therein it was plainly seen the Fates had decreed of old to favour my enterprizes. As I said, walking the streets, and ruminating what was best to be done, I met with a young Man of my acquaintance, who seeing me, ran and caught me in his Arms, and with very much joy we congratulated each other, and so as is usual when Friends meet we must drink together. Over our cups, I began to inquire after his condition: He shook his head, and so related to me a sad story, which in effect was to this purpose in his own words.
Dearest Friend, since last I saw you, never was young Man so unfortunate as my self, the cause thereof I can impute to nothing more than self-conceit, and over-much credulity; which by the sequel you will plainly understand. For perceiving that my Mistress shewed me more then a common respect, I concluded that she had entertained some private favour for me within her breast, so that I began to be puft up with conceit; neglecting my duty, and now despising the Chamber-maid, who was before the only Saint I made nightly my oraizons too; withal, I carried my self so imperiously, that my Master was not very well assured whether he durst command or no. My Mistress would sometimes heartily laugh, to see how ridiculous I carryed myself; which I looked upon as a singular favour, mistaking her smiles for tokens of her love, when they were no other than the apparent Symptomes of her derision. Observing how affable and pleasing she was, I never considered the generality of it, so that my self-flattering noddle supposed this carriage particular to me, and thereupon interpreted this her complacencie strong affection; and by reason she was frequently merry and jocose, I concluded her salacious or Lecherous. Thus by the false lights of misconstruction and easie belief, I was led into Loves Labyrinth; My Masters affairs was less regarded than my Mistress supposed affection. In fine, I judged it absolutely necessary to make her acquainted with my Amorous Passion, and no expedient better than by Letter. My Mistress (as it is customary with Citizens Wives to light the Candle of their Husbands Estates at both ends) had her Country-house, to which I was sent by my Master, with some bottles of Wine, preparatory for a Feast intended for the accommodation of some special Friends: arriving, I found my Mistress had sent her Maid to London about some business, at which I bless’d my propitious stars, to direct me thither in such a fortunate and most desired hour.
After I had delivered my Message, I began to talk very familiar with my Mistress: she with a smiling countenance, ask’d me, What I meant? not in the least checking my presumption, which made me more arrogant and bold; telling her, I was her eternally devoted Servant; she answered me, I was bound to be her Servant for a time, and that I must, when commanded, obey her pleasure: to which last word, I added in my thoughts the Epithite Venereal, supposing she meant not to have left it out; with that I replyed, Mistress, I should not deem my self worthy to be your Servant, if my resolution had not ingaged me to be so perpetually; as for my affection, it shall dayly anticipate your desires; you shall not need to lay your commands on me, since my thoughts shall be solely imployed in contriving wayes how we may injoy each other, to the mutual satisfaction of us both. At which words, she fell into an excess of laughter, (which I judged the effects of joy) and then asked me, Whether I was Mad? I answered, No, unless too much love had made me so; Dearest Mistress, read but this Paper, and I hope that will better inform you.
Here he stopt, pulling out of his pocket a copy thereof, which was to my best remembrance to this purpose.
Dearest Mistress,
Frequently revolving in my thoughts the condition I now am in, Despair stands ready to seize me; but the consideration and knowledge of your commiserating Nature, draws me out of its ruinating Jaws. When I reflect again on the disparity of our Fortunes, and that it is your Indentured Vassal that thus prostrates his affection at your feet, I fear one blast of your just indignation will suddainly shipwreck all my hopes. I confess my error is overmuch confidence, for which I may expect ruine, which commonly attends rash Attempts; especially daring to sail in the narrow Seas, without any other Pilot than blind Love; and if I should arrive at my desired Port, I cannot deliver my Goods without stealing Custome. But waving all difficulties of this Nature, consider that Love must needs be quintessential, that is not drawn from any other interest than reciprocal enjoyment; and it must needs be exceeding strong and eminent too, that will force its way through the greatest hazards. Signifie my Pardon by one gracious smile, for what I have so boldly (yet forceably) discovered, and I shall esteem my condition little inferior to what is Celestial; which is no happiness to me, without the auspitious beams of your favour shine on me. And so subscribe my self according as your sentence shall be, either the
Most happy, or most miserable.
The Verses that were annext to the Letter, he told me he got a Rimer to compose for him, which afterwards he found stoln out of several Authors; a line out of one, and a half out of another, and so with the course thred of his brain botch’d together; which were these:
Cupid did wound my heart; I hid the grief