One buzzes round about,
One lights, one tasts, gets in, gets out.
All always use them,
Till all their sweets are gone, and all again refuse them.
However, I must confess my own faults, as well as condemn others; which was, I was too inquisitive after that, which the more I knew, would the more disturb me. Of all things the less we know, the better. Curiosity in this renders a man as ridiculous a Coxcomb, as that Cuckold Sir John Suckling mentioneth, who made diligent enquiry, whether he was made so in a bed, or on a Couch, and whether his duty-officiating Cavalier pulled off his Spurs first or not, &c.
Well, it was my hard fate to Marry thus like one doom’d to prison, who expecting to lie in a private room, is confined to the Hole. Had I married the best, I believe I should have found my self in the Stocks. ’Tis strange that I of all men should be deceiv’d by this thing that was like a box bearing drugs not suitable to the inscription. Had not my passion hung in my eyes, when I lookt into her disposition and carriage, I might have easily understood that her behavior in the presence of me was only like action on a publick Stage, and that the evil of her natural inclinations were hid from me under the vail of silence and seeming modesty. And indeed my pallate was bed-ridden, and so scarce sensible of sauce, much less of meat. But since I have had such ill-luck in marriage, which some vainly and falsly account a merry-age, I shall in the ensuing Discourse give you some instruction or advice as Land-marks. For having split upon this Rock, I may the better be a Pylot to another that would sail this way.
CHAP. XXII.
Some Observations concerning Love and Women; selected out of the choicest Commentators on their nature, together with his own experimental reflections.
Love ’tis confest is a Natural distemper, a kind of small Pox; most have either had it, or is to expect it, and the sooner the better. Surely I was never well cur’d on’t, or else I had not thus fallen in a Relaps. Want of knowledge misguided me at first, and so I fell into a Quagmire; but I knew not what possest me to ride afterward into another on purpose. Love-seeds when it grows up to Matrimony is good for nothing, like some Fruit-trees which must be transplanted before they will bring forth any thing. And when Love in this nature doth seed, the encrease thereof is dissatisfaction, sorrow and vexation multiplied. This afore-mentioned is not truly love but lust; for I cannot believe that that noble passion can be the ruine of its subject; neither would I have it disparaged by so unworthy an object as a woman. If there be Love, it should be to Heaven, a male-friend, relations, or our Countries preservation, and not to a Female-piece of imperfection. And yet nothing will serve the turn, but monopolizing it by Marriage, because we would make it surely our own, and nevertheless our own till then. For if she be young, she is like an Hawk upon her wing; and if she be handsome, she is the more subject to go out at check. Faulkners that can but seldom spring right game, should still have something to take them down. The lure to which all stoop in this World, is either garnisht with profit or pleasure, and when you cannot throw her the one, you must be content to shew out the other. Consider again that woman (besides the trouble) is a Rent-charge which though the curiosity of man hath often inclosed, yet he cannot for his life stop so well one gap, but it will lie open for any stragler; by which means it seldom improves or becomes fruitful. And why should a woman be denyed the liberty of breaking a pane in her own window, or not admitted the freedom of regress to her own salli-port, letting in whom she esteems as friends? If you will not give them the permission, you must be forc’d to wink when they take it, or do worse: crosse them, and they will endeavour the not leaving a crosse in your Pocket. Take it which way you will, Marriage is the dearest way of curing love. Faring with such, as it doth with those for the most part that at great charges walls in grounds and plant, who cheaper might have eaten Mellons elsewhere, than Cucumbers in their own Garden. Besides, it is a gross piece of ignorance to be bound up to love for an age, when the cause of love may perish for a month, and then the effect will follow. If it be natures paint in the face, that doth induce you; those beautiful flowers of red and white, a disease will quickly wither; if not, ravishing time will deflowre the choicest beauty.
But the ill consequents of Marriage are more to be considered, which are commonly drawn from the evil inclinations of that Sex; Eve by stumbling at the Serpents Sollicitations cast her Husband out of Paradice; nor are her Daughters surer of foot, being foundred by the heat of lust and pride. It were somthing if Marriage could answer the expectation of all she boasts the cure of; for instead of quenching the hot coals of concupiscence, it aggravates the simple sin of Fornication, making it sprout into Adultery. What might be said more as to this subject, I shall refer the Reader to the Writings of that ingenious Gentleman Mr. Francis Osborne. If any more (like boys stript and stand shivering about the brink) are ready to leap into Loves Whirl-pit, and so endanger the loss of themselves, let them first look upon love to be an idle fancy, and Wedlock of a dangerous consequence. If I could perswade you from loving, one would think the other then would be disregarded, but some to their costs can speak the contrary. In the first place, marry none but whom you love: for he that marries where he doth not love, will love where he did not marry. If you are prone to love one particular person, some are of opinion that travel is an excellent remedy: For absence doth in a kind remove the cause, removing the object. Others think that frequent visits (where as the rarity of them indears the affection) may by a surprizal discover some defects, which though they cure not absolutely, yet they qualifie the vehement heat of an amorous Feavor: and as near as can be, let it be unseasonably, either when she is in sicknesse or disorder, by that a man may know she is but mortal, and but a woman; the last would be enough to a wise man for an Antidote. Enter into discourse with her of things she daily hears not, and it will confirm the cure. Neither will it be amiss to contrive your self into the company of variety, especially such beauties which are generally cry’d up; and if you can, taste them all, (but now I think on’t, it is no matter, one is sufficient for a surfeit) for this Malady is better remedy’d this way, than by abstinence: good jovial company will much conduce to the cure.