"'As I'm alive,' he says, 'I do believe it's mine!'
"I says,' I'm sure, sir, as how it is. I noticed it most particular.'
"'But, good 'evins!' he says, 'whatever 'ave you been a-doing to it?'
"'I've only been a-squashin' of it, sir,' I says.
"'Only been a-squashin' of it!' he says, and he gives a kind of gasp. 'Are you drunk, man?'
"'No, sir,' I says, 'and that I'm not. I haven't had so much as 'alf a pint since I've been inside this 'ouse!' Which I 'adn't, and my throat was gettin' regular parched.
"He did flare out!
"'Then if you're not drunk, man,' he says, 'what the devil do you mean by tellin' me that you've only been a-squashin' of a brand new 'at?' He gives another squint inside of it. ''Ang me if it doesn't look as if he'd been a-sitting down upon the thing!'
"'I had to,' I says, 'to make it stay down flat.'
"I thought he would have had a fit.