As to the rest, I shut my ears against all the world. I do not want to know how low I have sunk.
Shall I hear from you soon? If you think of me at all, think of
me always as of one hard at work and profoundly melancholy.
Farewell, best and dearest friend. The "Kunstler" is splendid.
Greet all at home.
From your
R. W.
ZURICH, MARCH 4TH, 1854.
149.
UNIQUE FRIEND,
I am frequently sad on your account; and on my own account I have not much reason to rejoice. My chief object and task is taking a very serious and painful turn. I had no right to expect much else in that direction, and was prepared, but these long entanglements which I have to submit to have caused me much trouble and have jeopardised my pecuniary position, so that at present I am unable to assist a friend. This I feel very much, and prefer to say nothing further about it. You will understand me and not misinterpret my silence. When the time comes, I shall explain my affairs to you by word of mouth; they are not rose-coloured, and another man might have perished, which other men might not have disliked to see.
Today I only want to tell you that on the day of the performance of the opera by the Duke of Gotha I met Herr von Hulsen at dinner. He led the conversation to the performance of your works at Berlin, and told me that he was only waiting till you had sold your rights to Messrs. Bote and Bock in order to produce them. I made bold to say that I had reason to doubt very much whether this would be done, and that even if B. and B. bought the scores of "Tannhauser" and "Lohengrin" I did not think for a moment that you would abandon your previous demand of my being invited to Berlin in order to secure an adequate rendering of your works. Write to me how this matter stands. I do not want to advise you, but I think that the Berlin performance is an important point for you, and that you would gain nothing by altering your previous position—I mean that the performance should not take place except through my medium and according to my directions.
I was told that the Konigsberg troupe intended to perform "Tannhauser" at Berlin this summer. I tell you this because I think that you will not approve of the plan, and will refuse your consent if asked for it.