“My dear sir, your statement is definite and concise, without being as illuminating as I should like. A mistake has been made, of which I am the innocent victim. You are the victims, too, for that matter; because, after all, it is not a mistake, but a conspiracy. I can see, however, that nothing I may say will mitigate the situation in the slightest degree. I shall, therefore, not indulge in useless declamation. Three things are fixed. I am the owner of this mine. I have cheated you out of your pay for four months, therefore I am to be hanged. There comes into my mind at this moment something I have read somewhere about hangings at Newgate prison in England. They drop a man, then all concerned go at once to enjoy what is called the ‘hanging breakfast.’ The gruesomeness of such a proceeding fastened the item in my mind. Let’s have a ‘hanging lunch.’”
“Stranger, as I understand your remarks, the person turned off didn’t attend that breakfast.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Very well, stranger, we’ll look after the lunch when you’re strung up.”
“But, excuse me, the victim had a hearty breakfast before he was hanged. Now, I beg to point out to you that I drank my coffee just about daybreak this morning, and since then I’ve travelled over the worst set of mountains it has ever been my privilege to encounter. I’m as hungry as a bear. I therefore insist on your lunching with me, and I shall give you a meal such as you wouldn’t better at the Millionaire’s Club. Before I left home, six manufacturers of portable stoves insisted on my accepting one each, in the hope of getting an unsolicited testimonial. I shall leave the stoves with you, and trust you will recommend them to your friends. I don’t need them where I’m going.”
“No,” said one of the party, “they’d melt there.”
“Now, Jackson,” cried Steele enthusiastically, “set up the whole six stoves. You’ve got to cook dinner for the party. But, meanwhile, open some of those boxes of new sardines with the trimmings on, which they’ve just sent across to us from Brittany. A little caviare also may be a novelty in this district. I think we’ve plates enough to go round. If not, use saucers or the tins. Gentlemen, I take it you don’t need an appetiser, but what will you drink before we begin?”
“I admit, stranger, you’re a mighty plausible cuss, and we expected that; but you don’t palaver this crowd. There’s no drinking till after the ceremony.”
For the first time there was a murmur of disapproval at this, but the leader held up his hand.
“See here, you fellows,” he said, “we’ve got to deal with a pretty slippery customer. You know what them city men are. Now, there’s no drinking till after the performance; you hear me. I’d string him up this moment, only we’d scare his cook white, and then we’d have to eat things raw.”