Mock others now, for I have done with you.
MEMB. VII.
Against Repulse, Abuses, Injuries, Contempts, Disgraces, Contumelies, Slanders, Scoffs, &c.
I may not yet conclude, think to appease passions, or quiet the mind, till such time as I have likewise removed some other of their more eminent and ordinary causes, which produce so grievous tortures and discontents: to divert all, I cannot hope; to point alone at some few of the chiefest, is that which I aim at.
Repulse.] Repulse and disgrace are two main causes of discontent, but to an understanding man not so hardly to be taken. Caesar himself hath been denied, [3951]and when two stand equal in fortune, birth, and all other qualities alike, one of necessity must lose. Why shouldst thou take it so grievously? It hath a familiar thing for thee thyself to deny others. If every man might have what he would, we should all be deified, emperors, kings, princes; if whatsoever vain hope suggests, insatiable appetite affects, our preposterous judgment thinks fit were granted, we should have another chaos in an instant, a mere confusion. It is some satisfaction to him that is repelled, that dignities, honours, offices, are not always given by desert or worth, but for love, affinity, friendship, affection,[3952]great men's letters, or as commonly they are bought and sold. [3953]“Honours in court are bestowed not according to men's virtues and good conditions” (as an old courtier observes), “but as every man hath means, or more potent friends, so he is preferred.” With us in France ([3954]for so their own countryman relates) “most part the matter is carried by favour and grace; he that can get a great man to be his mediator, runs away with all the preferment.” Indignissimus plerumque praefertur, Vatinius Catoni, illaudatus laudatissimo;
[3955]———servi dominantur; aselli
Ornantur phaleris, dephalerantur equi.
Injuries, abuses, are very offensive, and so much the more in that they think veterem ferendo invitant novam, “by taking one they provoke another:” but it is an erroneous opinion, for if that were true, there would be no end of abusing each other; lis litem generat; 'tis much better with patience to bear, or quietly to put it up. If an ass kick me, saith Socrates, shall I strike him again? And when [3975]his wife Xantippe struck and misused him, to some friends that would have had him strike her again, he replied, that he would not make them sport, or that they should stand by and say, Eia Socrates, eia Xantippe, as we do when dogs fight, animate them the more by clapping of hands. Many men spend themselves, their goods, friends, fortunes, upon small quarrels, and sometimes at other men's procurements, with much vexation of spirit and anguish of mind, all which with good advice, or mediation of friends, might have been happily composed, or if patience had taken place. Patience in such cases is a most sovereign remedy, to put up, conceal, or dissemble it, to [3976]forget and forgive, [3977]“not seven, but seventy-seven times, as often as he repents forgive him;” Luke xvii. 3. as our Saviour enjoins us, stricken, “to turn the other side:” as our [3978]Apostle persuades us, “to recompense no man evil for evil, but as much as is possible to have peace with all men: not to avenge ourselves, and we shall heap burning coals upon our adversary's head.” “For [3979]if you put up wrong” (as Chrysostom comments), “you get the victory; he that loseth his money, loseth not the conquest in this our philosophy.” If he contend with thee, submit thyself unto him first, yield to him. Durum et durum non faciunt murum, as the diverb is, two refractory spirits will never agree, the only means to overcome is to relent, obsequio vinces. Euclid in Plutarch, when his brother had angered him, swore he would be revenged; but he gently replied, [3980]“Let me not live if I do not make thee to love me again,” upon which meek answer he was pacified.
[3981]Flectitur obsequio curvatus ab arbore ramus,
Frangis si vires experire tuas.