The tour of guard of a new cadet is sometimes made uncomfortable by the pranks of the upper-classmen, although since the abolition of hazing at West Point, this form of diversion has greatly diminished. The regulations against hazing have been made so stringent that few cadets indulge in the practice. As a matter of fact hazing no longer exists at the Military Academy. A few heedless chaps from time to time, forgetful of the future, unconscious of the heartburns that they will suffer later on, indulge in hazing the plebes, but they pay the price for their fun. Formerly, hazing was tolerated among the cadets because some of its features were not harmful or objectionable, but, as in all cases where a little liberty is granted to lads of immature judgment, license followed. The practice was carried too far and moderation ceased to exist. In 1901, at the instance of a former cadet’s parents, Congress ordered an investigation of hazing conditions, with the result that the Superintendent was directed to abolish all semblance of mistreatment of plebes by upper-classmen.
The more vicious practices disappeared at once, but from time to time investigation revealed isolated cases of the innocent kind. In the days of hazing, the favorite and most injurious punishment meted out to a plebe, if he were at all fresh, or “B. J.” as the cadets say, was a series of exercises known as “eagles.” The new man would be taken in a tent, stripped to the waist, and compelled to execute a setting-up exercise, “Full bend knees.” The knees are separated and bent as much as possible; point of knees forced forward and downward, heels together; trunk and head erect; but instead of placing the hands on the hips, he was required to raise the arms laterally. It is not the exercise itself that was injurious, but the duration of the punishment. Some men were required to “eagle” 100 or 150 times without a rest, and if they had committed a particularly heinous offense, this physical rebuke was administered under the broiling sun in the “catacombs.” Another form of punishment consisted in making plebes, stripped to the waist, hold pieces of matches or tissue paper, between their shoulder blades for half an hour or more, while their tormentors stood around insisting that they flatten their chins to their necks.
But this punishment was not viewed by the plebes with as much dismay as was the servitude to “Tabasco Sauce.” The prowling yearlings would descend into the Fourth Class sink, line up the plebes, and order them to stick out their tongues, upon which they dashed a flop or two of the burning liquid and fled. Sometimes, at the Mess Hall, as much as half a teaspoonful was meted out for some unconscious transgression by the plebe of the upper-classmen’s wishes. Fortunately the above practices have long since disappeared.
On the other hand, the greater part of the hazing consisted of what is known at college as “fagging,” such as dragging water, sweeping tents, making beds, cleaning brasses and rifles, making lemonade, running errands, sewing buttons on white trousers, etc. Each upper-classman selected a plebe for his “special duty man” to perform the aforementioned tasks. Most of the plebes did the duty cheerfully, buoyed up by the thought that next year their turn to have a plebe would arrive. A large part of the hazing, moreover, was the so-called “deviling” the plebes, a generic term applied to all kinds of humorous and mischievous pranks. Any cadet, for example, who possessed any peculiarity of size, appearance, or temperament was given a “tech” or technical name, to be used always in lieu of his own. One of my classmates, whose tent was in a part of the camp called “Paradise Alley,” was given in consequence of his auburn hair the following “tech” with strict instructions to use it no matter who asked him his name. In reply, therefore, to the same inquiry, “Who are you?” many times daily, he scrupulously replied:
“I am a too-loo-loo bird, sir! Peep-y-ty-peep, sir! Poop-y-ty-poop! Ah! ... there. I’m the sunshine of Paradise Alley, sir; I am a queen, sir. My hair is sky-blue pink with a heavenly border, sir! Don’t you think I’m handsome, sir? I don’t give a damn, sir!”
This “tech” became famous, the peep-y-ty-peep part fastening itself upon him as a nickname. Of course, all of these pranks were carried on sub rosa and presumedly without the sanction or knowledge of the authorities. One night, however, the cadet was detailed for guard for the first time. It happened that his tour of duty was from 2 A.M. to 4 A.M., those awful hours of the night. “Peep-y-ty-peep” was patrolling his post ready to charge anything that came along. Suddenly the huge shadow of a cavalry Tactical officer with a rattling saber and jingling spurs loomed out of the darkness. Frantically “Peep-y-ty-peep” charged down the post screaming, “Halt! Halt! who’s thar?” (in good old Alabama English), until most of the sleeping cadets in the vicinity of the post were awakened. After a few minutes of backing and filling the massive cavalry officer arrived in front of the now thoroughly bewildered “sunshine of Paradise Alley,” and began to ask him his orders. Poor old “Peep-y-ty-peep” forgot them all, general and special. After vain, fruitless efforts to obtain an expression of opinion of some sort from the sentinel, this officer said in desperation: “Who are you, anyway?” Whereupon perfectly seriously the rooky sentinel cried at the top of his voice, while the nearby tents shook with laughter, “I’m a too-loo-loo bird, sir! Peep-y-ty-peep, sir! Poop-y-ty-poop, sir! Ah...! there. I’m the sunshine of Paradise Alley, sir! I’m—” The Tactical officer hurriedly disappeared.
Such incidents as the above kept the plebes from becoming too depressed. The fun of the upper-classmen found many other outlets. On days when watermelons were served in the Mess Hall, the plebes were required at the conclusion of the meal to fill their mouths with seeds, and thus loaded to the gunwales to march back to camp. The wriggling, squirming, slippery little black particles fought with one another to burst open the encircling mouth en cul de poule and leap to freedom, and occasionally their efforts were successful, on the march back to camp, to the detriment of the blouse of the plebe’s front rank file. More frequently, however, upon arrival at camp, the plebes of A Co. were lined up at six paces from those of B Co., and at a given signal the human machine guns belched forth their glossy black bullets. One upper-classman ordered me to gather a handful from the battlefield and plant them around his tent. To my dismay and chagrin they sprouted, whereupon I was instructed to care for them, keep them in health or sickness, and train the growing vines on slender cords.
The plebes were hardly allowed a moment to themselves. Every spare moment was employed in cleaning guns, brasses and other equipment, chiefly of upper-classmen for whom one happened to be a “special duty man.” If some unoffending sparrows alighted in the company streets, half a dozen yearling voices rang out, “Turn out, you plebes, and chase those eagles!” Lads in all sorts and conditions of undress fell precipitately out of their tents, bayonets in hand, to drive away the innocent feathered marauders. If an upper-classman wished to know the time, he would yell, “Quelle heure est-il?” a whole chorus replied, “Two o’clock, sir!” Again, every plebe was required upon inquiry to give his P. C. S., or previous condition of servitude. Those who had none, never having worked in their lives, were made to answer “schoolgirl,” as a mark of immaturity and unworldliness. Never was a plebe permitted to say: “I don’t know.” “Say something, Mr. Dumbguard,” was the admonishment followed by: “If you cannot think of anything, say ‘steamboat’! Never say that you don’t know!”
I once stood behind a man in ranks who weighed, he said, 190 pounds. I weighed but 120. It became my daily duty to weigh and report to him how much of his frail body I, as his near rank file, left uncovered and exposed to the elements. When a plebe was on guard at night, some of the yearlings would appear on his post covered with sheets which they fluttered at a great rate.