Illustrations of the Author of Waverley / Being Notices and Anecdotes of Real Characters, Scenes, and Incidents Supposed to Be Described in His Works

by Robert Chambers

When we visited Philiphaugh, in September, 1824, we entered fully into the spirit of the weaver, and on that occasion extended our observations to his wife, who is a tall, hollow woman, with dark eyes, and who speaks and smokes with equal assiduity. The result of our investigation was the following versified sketch, in which we have endeavoured to give the reader a complete idea of that hitherto nondescript animal, a country weaver: his feelings, fortunes, family, domestic economy, and—above all—his customer-wark!

CUSTOMER-WARK.

A POETICAL SKETCH.

With a Marginal Commentary.

Part First.

I.
On the celebrated field ofPhiliphaugh, where Montrosefought his last battle in thecause of Charles the First,there now resides a poorweaver, who tells to strangersthat his loom stands upon thevery spot which the tent of thegreat Marquis once occupied.The scene of so many caresand councils has become thehome of a contented and humblemechanic, who has only tobattle with poverty, and whosewhole ambition is to get aregular supply of	ear Selkrit, where Leslie ance met wi’ Montrose, And ga’e the King’s army its last bloody nose, There lives an auld wabster, within an auld shiel, As lang, and as ugly, and black as the de’il. He works e’en and morn for his wife and his weans, Till the very flesh seems to be wrought frae his banes; Yet canty the wabster, and blyth as a lark, Whene’er he gets what he ca’s customer-wark!
II.
Customer-wark—that is, theemployment of weaving thehomespun linens and woollensof the industrious countrywives and maidens, whichyields a much better scale ofprofits than the staple commoditiesof Glasgow. Thesuperiority of customer-warkover that sent out to thecountry villages by Glasgowmanufacturers,—which is justthe preference of straitened povertyover utter starvation,—formsthe theme of this poem.	This customer-wark’s the delight o’ his soul, Whether blanket, or sheetin, or sarkin, or towel. Nae trashtrie o’ cottons frae Glasgow he cares for,— Their tippence the ell is a very gude wherefore;— But God bless the wives, wi’ their wheels and their thrift, That help the puir wabster to fend and mak’ shift; Himsel’, and his wife, and his weans might been stark, An it hadna been them and their customer-wark.
III.
Description of the weaver’shouse, which, having twoapartments, belongs to thearistocracy of country cottages.	The wabster’s auld house—it’s an unco like den, (Though, atweel, like its neebors, it has a ben-en’!) It’s roof’s just a hotter o’ divots and thack, Wi’ a chimley dressed up maist as big’s a wheat-stack. There’s a peat-ruck behind, and a midden before, And a jaw-hole would tak a mile race to jump o’er! Ye may think him negleckfu’ and lazy,—but, hark, He’s better employed on his customer-wark!
The weaver’s neglect ofcleanliness and order, not tobe attributed to laziness, butto the want of leisure, all histime being engrossed by theimportant business—customer-wark!
IV.
Furniture of the cottage.	Whate’er ye may think him,—the wabster’s auld hut Has twa looms i’ the ben, and twa beds i’ the butt, A table, twa creepies, three chyres, and a kist, And a settle to rest on, whene’er that ye list; The ben has a winnock, the butt has a bole, Where the bairns’ parritch-luggies are set out to cool, In providin’ o’ whilk he has mony a day’s darque, O’ saxteen lang hours at the customer-wark!
The poor weaver has to worksixteen hours a day, in orderto provide food for his children.
V.
The weaver’s wife a noisyscold, and appropriatelynamed Bell.	The wabster’s auld madam—her name it is Bell— Lang, ugly, and black, like the wabster himsel— She does nought the hale day but keeps skelpin the bairns, And hauds three or four o’ them tight at the pirns. Her tongue is as gleg and as sharp as a shuttle, Whilk seldom but gi’es her the best o’ the battle; And sometimes her neive lends the wabster a yerk, That he likes na sae weel as his customer-wark!
The children wind the pirns.
The wife’s tongue rivals theweaver’s shuttle both in soundand swiftness.
Worse than that, she occasionallylays on!
VI.
The weaver given to prosingupon his traditions of thebattle.	The wabster whiles jaunders a lang winter night, On his ae single story—Montrose and the fight— And tells how “the Sutors” stood aff up the brae, Preservin’ their hides till the end o’ the play. The wife she breaks in wi’—“Dear Jamie, what ken ye ’Bout feghts? ’Twill be lang or they bring you a penny! Sic auld-warld nonsense is far frae the mark— I wish ye wad mind just the customer-wark!”
How the inhabitants of Selkirkstood off during the fight,not knowing, as they pretended,whether the battlewas “in daffin” or in earnest,till they saw Montrose’sarmy fly, when they enthusiasticallyjoined in the pursuit!!!
The wife, who has heardthe story till she is sick of it,bids him mind his work, andnot take up his head withthings that do not put a pennyin his purse.
VII.
The weaver was once toldthat great encouragement wasgiven at New Lanark to weaverswith large families, andfor a long time craiked to bethere. But the wife, who,with all her tongue, fists, etc.,has some good sense, wouldnot hear of removing to anysuch faraway country, and atlast frightened him out of thehumour he had taken, by sayingthat she had heard therewas nae customer-wark to begot in Mr. Owen’s Utopia.	The wabster has heard about ane they ca’ Owen, That keeps twa-three toons in the wast-kintry growin’, Where there’s weavers that live just like beass in their sta’s, Without kirks or taxes, debts, hunger, or laws! And he whyles thinks he’d like to be there;—but the wife Knocks him down wi’—“Dear Jamie, man, ne’er fash your life! Do ye think Mr. Owen, or ony sic clerk, Could e’er gie ye ought like the customer-wark?”
Part Second.
I.
Improvident domestic habits,in time of plenty,	The black cutty-pipe, that lies by the fireside, Weel kens it the day when a wab has been paid, For then wi’ tobacco it’s filled to the ee,— And the wabster sits happy as happy can be; For hours at a time it’s ne’er out o’ his cheek, Till maist feck o’ his winnings ha’e vanished in reek: He says that o’ life he could ne’er keep the spark, An it werena the pipe and the customer-wark!
II.
	Then the wife, that’s as fond o’ her pleasure as he, Brings out a black tea-pot and maks a drap tea; And they sit, and they soss, and they haud a cabal, And ye’d think that their slaistrie wad never divaul. By their wee spunk o’ ingle they keep up the bother, Each jeerin’, misca’in’, and scauldin’ the tother; While the bairns sit out by, wi cauld kale, i’ the dark— Nae gude comes to them o’ the customer-wark!
III.
produce proportionate wantand misery in the exhaustionof their resources.	When the siller grows scarce and the spleuchan gets toom, The wabster gangs back to his treddles and loom, Where he jows the day lang on some wab o’ his ain, That’ll bring in nae cash for a twalmonth or twain; Then the pipe lies exhaustit o’ a but its stink, And the pourie is washed and set by on the bink; There neglected they’ll lie, like auld yads in a park, Till Heaven shall neist send some customer-wark!
In the absence of customer-wark,the weaver flies to hisdernier resort, the loom ofreserve, on which he works aweb for private sale, but whichhis funds will scarce allow himto carry on upon his ownfoundation.
The implements of luxurythrown by neglected.
IV.
Description of a process ofstarvation, which reduces theweaver from his natural andcustomary meagreness to aperfect anatomization.	Then the puir starvin’ wabster grows thinner and thinner, On a ’tatoe for breakfast, a ’tatoe for dinner, And vanishes veesibly, day after day, Just like the auld moon whan she eelies away. Clean purged out he looks, like a worm amang fog, And his face is the colour o’ sweens in a cogue. At last, when grown hungry and gaunt as a shark, He revives wi’ a mouthfu’ o’ customer-wark.
A simile picked up in troutfishing.
The weaver saved, in hisextremity, by a supply of hisdarling customer-wark.
V.
Arrival of a customer.	A branksome gudewife, frae the neist farmer toon, Comes in wi’ a bundle, and clanks hersel’ down, “How’s a’ wi’ ye the day, Bell? Ha’ ye ought i’ the pipe? Come rax me a stapper? the cutty I’ll rype! I maun see the gudeman—bring him ben, hinney Jess! Tut!! the pipe’s fu’ o’ naithing but fusionless asse!” The wife ne’er lets on that she hears the remark, But cries, “Jess! do ye hear, deme?—It’s customer-wark!!!”
Familiar condescension of afarmer’s wife in visiting aweaver’s.
Disappointment on findingthe hopeless state of the cutty.
Trait of the excitement producedin the household by thearrival of customer-wark.
VI.
Transport of the weaverhimself at hearing the news.	Having gotten her lick i’ the lug, Jess gangs ben, And tells her toom father about the God-sen’; Transported, he through the shop-door pops his head, Like a ghaist glowrin’ out frae the gates o’ the dead. Then, wi’ a great fraise he salutes the gudewife,— Says he ne’er saw her lookin’ sae weel i’ his life,— Spiers for the gudeman and the bairns at Glendeark,— While his thoughts a’ the time are on customer-wark!
His behaviour towards thecustomer.
Politeness and flattery.
Affected solicitude about hiscustomer’s domestic welfare,while his whole soul is inreality entranced in the contemplationof customer-wark.
VII.
Makes himself immediatelyvery busy in the delightful detailsprefatory to his employment.	Then, wi’ the gudewife, he claps down on the floor, And they turn and they count the hale yarn o’er and o’er: He rooses her spinning, but canyells like daft ’Bout the length o’ her warp and the scrimp o’ her waft. At last it’s a’ settled, and promised bedeen To be ready on Friday or Fursday at e’en; And the bairns they rin out, wi’ a great skirlin’ bark, To tell that their dad’s got some customer-wark!
Praises the wife’s handiwork,for courtesy’s sake, butdoes not approve of the boundswhich her niggardliness hasimposed upon the possibilityof cabbage.
Rapture of the children,which is much more disinterested,and not less heartfelt,than the weaver’s own.
VIII.
Recovery from starvation.	Then it’s pleasant to see, by the vera neist ouk, How the wabster thowes out to his natural bouk, How he freshens a thought on his diet o’ brose, And a wee tait o’ colour comes back to his nose! The cutty’s new-mountit, and everything’s snug, And Bell’s tongue disna sing half sae loud i’ his lug; Abstracted and happy, and jum as a Turk, He sits thinking on nothing but customer-wark!
Revival of former domesticcomfort.
IX.
Concluding benediction uponcustomer-wark, and recapitulationof its virtues.	Oh, customer-wark! thou sublime movin’ spring! It’s you gars the heart o’ the wabster to sing! An ’twerena for you, how puir were his cheer, Ae meltith a day, and twa blasts i’ the year: It’s you that provides him the bit, brat, and beet, And maks the twa ends o’ the year sweetly meet, That pits meat in his barrel and meal in his ark! My blessings gang wi’ ye, dear customer-wark!

CHAPTER X.

The Monastery.

A VILLAGE ANTIQUARY.

(Captain Clutterbuck.)