In case you should write down your idea of your own "appearance," what would you say? I confess that such a problem would puzzle me. It does not puzzle some. "Situation Wanted" ads record that there are numerous young men of "exceptional appearance." Though occasionally we come upon a young man of almost painful conscientiousness who feels that he should not go further than to say that he is of "fair appearance."
The queer dissimilarity of human aspirations echoes through the "Situations Wanted" page. Here is a "Gentleman, excellent education and personality, linguist," who wants a position as a companion, or "courier, &c." A "Highly educated French lady would gladly take a child for walks every day from 10 to 12." A "Lady, 27, of literary bent desires position as companion around the world." It is remarkable, the number of persons there are in the world of "literary" tendency. Remarkable, too, how many people with an inclination to travel. Here is a "Cornell Graduate" who has, apparently, no aversion whatever to spending the winter in "a warm climate." There are "Two young men, partners," who "wish to join an expedition, any destination." But there are home-keeping souls, too. A "Cultured elderly man, neat," craves "household duties." And so on.
What a rich variety of characters throng the populous scene of the "Situations Wanted" page! Here, in today's paper, following the advertisement of a "sculptor" comes that of a "former policeman." A "Physician, practicing twenty years in Paris, speaking English, French, Spanish, German, Italian, seeking situation," is cheek by jowl with a "Plumber, good all round man." A young man who has "put 9 years at sea as steward" nonchalantly asks "What have you?" A "Former College Professor, 30, seeks field of occupation in advertising." And a "Cavalry man, excellent record, wishes position at anything." A "Cultured Visiting Governess of good family, social position, trains ladies, English, grammar, literature, elegant correspondence, art of conversation, current events, social etiquette." A remarkable "gentleman" presents himself as "qualified to do most anything." And a "Christian, age 38," wishes a position as "manager of a laundry."
A strategic device frequently employed by the humble is that of getting someone whose position has weight to present them. For instance, "Rev. Dr. Moffett recommends a colored man for janitor of a loft building." And numerous are the gentlemen who, laying up their cars, are interested in placing their chauffeurs elsewhere.
"Boy" is perhaps the word which dominates the page. Most boys, apparently, are not particular in their choice of a calling. They are "willing to do anything." Now and then one declares that he is a "good fighter," or something like that. Here is one who demands a "position where mental ability will be necessary." Here is another who is very specific, thus: "15½ years old, 5 feet 8¼ inches tall."
Sometimes one meets a very extraordinary character in these columns. The other day no less a distinguished person than this put in an ad:
I am compelled, through severe strain, to discontinue my work (involving the mental faculties) with which I have puzzled the scientific world for several years, and which has netted me a weekly income of over $200; I have no other source for a livelihood and consequently appeal to the business world for an opportunity to grow up in a new endeavor. WHY NOT MEET ME AND TALK IT OVER?
A genuinely touching ad, sensible and obviously quite sincere, in which you hear the appealing voice of a fellow being in trouble, but an ad which I fear is rather futile, is one like this:
Am 43 years old; defective hearing prevents continuation of salesman's career; I want situation where this impairment does not prevent satisfactory discharge of required duties.
A great, and a grave, lesson may be learned from the "Situations Wanted" page. And that is to be found mainly in the section where the first word of each advertisement is simply "MAN." Men there are in it of every age. I mean in considering the plight of the world one should ponder that great army whose business is "anything."