Enter a second Old Man.
2 Old Man. Sir, I understand you deal in Curiosities. Have you any Thing in your Shop, at present, that's pretty and curious?
Mast. Yes, Sir, I have a great many Things. But the most ancient Curiosity I have got, is a small Brass Plate, on which is engrav'd the Speech which Adam made to his Wife, on their first Meeting, together with her Answer. The Characters, thro' Age, are grown unintelligible; but for that 'tis the more to be valued. What is remarkable in this ancient Piece is, that Eve's Speech is about three Times as long as her Husband's. I have a Ram's Horn, one of those which help'd to blow down the Walls of Jericho. A Lock of Sampson's Hair, tied up in a Shred of Joseph's Garment. With several other Jewish Antiquities, which I purchas'd of that People at a very great Price. Then I have the Tune which Orpheus play'd to the Devil, when he charm'd back his Wife.
Gent. That was thought to be a silly Tune, I believe, for no Body has over car'd to learn it since.
Mast. Close cork'd up in a Thumb Phial, I have some Drops of Tears which Alexander wept, because he could do no more Mischief. I have a Snuff-box made out of the Tub in which Diogenes liv'd, and took Snuff at all the World. I have the Net in which Vulcan caught his Spouse and her Gallant; but our modern Wives are now grown so exceeding chaste, that there has not been an Opportunity of casting it these many Years.
Gent. [Aside to the Ladies.] Some would be so malicious now as instead of chaste to think he meant cunning.
Mast. I have the Pitch Pipe of Gracchus, the Roman Orator, who, being apt, in Dispute, to raise his Voice too high, by touching a certain soft Note in this Pipe, would regulate and keep it in a moderate Key.
2 La. Such a Pipe as that, if it could be heard, would be very useful in Coffee-houses, and other publick Places of Debate and modern Disputation.
Gent. Yes, Madam, and, I believe, many a poor Husband would be glad of such a Regulator of the Voice in his own private Family too.
Mast. There you was even with her, Sir. But the most valuable Curiosity I have, is a certain hollow Tube, which I call a Distinguisher; contriv'd with such Art, that, when rightly applied to the Ear, it obstructs all Falshood, Nonsence, and Absurdity, from striking upon the Tympanum: Nothing but Truth and Reason can make the least Impression upon the Auditory Nerves. I have sate in a Coffee-house sometimes, for the Space of Half an Hour, and amongst what is generally call'd the best Company, without hearing a single word. At a Dispute too, when I could perceive, by the eager Motions of both Parties, that they made the greatest Noise, I have enjoy'd the most profound Silence. It is a very useful Thing to have about one, either at Church or Play-house, or Westminster-hall; at all which Places a vast Variety both of useful and diverting Experiments may be made with it. The only Inconvenience attending it is, that no Man can make himself a compleat Master of it under Twenty Years close and diligent Practice: And that Term of Time it best commenc'd at Ten or Twelve Years old.